Oh, hello! Come on in and have a glass of wine. (Or whine. After today’s post, whine makes more sense.)
Me at the end of my day
I just finished another day at the Gas ‘n Sip. Another unfulfilling, suck day. I know, I know. How many times am I going to complain about it before I do something??
The point is, I *am* trying to do something about it. I have had my resume redone by a “Certified Resume Writer”. (Did you even know there was such a thing? I didn’t.) I have applied for no less than 5 jobs within the Gas ‘n Sip in the past 3 months. Nothing. I have applied for at least 5 outside of the Gas ‘n Sip. Nothing. I have even indicated that I will relocate. I don’t necessarily want to do that, because my parents are getting older and I would hate to miss something. But doing something is better than doing nothing.
*****
Recently, I made a reservation to go to Toronto for 3 days of meetings. I did this *after* confirmation that the meetings were set and to go ahead. The first day of meetings was scheduled for Monday at 9am. Therefore, I had to go up on Sunday. Pain in my… kneecap, but okay. I’ll do it. That Sunday is also the last hockey game of the season. F***!! But again, okay. It sucks, but I’ll do it. I called Herb, and told him that I wouldn’t be able to go to the game and he should give my ticket away. So, flight booked. Hotel booked. (You know where this is going, right?)
I get in today to an email telling me that “Oh, the meeting has to be changed.” M#(*^% F(#*^%@&$!!!!! YOU TOLD ME TO BOOK THE TRIP. YOU CAUSED ME TO CHANGE LONG TERM PERSONAL PLANS. AND NOW YOU TELL ME “Tee Hee! Just kidding. Come 2 weeks later.” Well, guess what. I THINK YOU SUCK! YOUR TIME IS *NOT* MORE VALUABLE/IMPORTANT/WORTHY THAN MINE.
I decided to *not* call them today to confirm a new date. I thought it might be less than constructive, given the steam coming out of my ears, and the fact that the top of my head had blown off.
*****
Also today, I went online to try to take another loan from my 401(k). I took one at the end of the year 2009, in a time of need. I’ve reached that time again. Well, turns out I can only have 1 loan at a time, and if I want a loan, I have to pay off the first one. Well, hmm… IF I HAD THE MONEY TO PAY OFF THE 1ST LOAN, I WOULDN’T NEED A LOAN, NOW WOULD I??? So I called them and asked if I could just increase the amount of my current loan? No. *sigh* Great. Well, no groceries for Kitten until next payday. And just ignore those overdrafts.
*****
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on other blogs about people getting frustrated with branding and statistics. It makes me sad that so many people are affected by that. There is a small part of me that would love to have a corporation sponsor my blog – see the above rant about needing money – but given all the angst that these other well-respected bloggers have to deal with, it might be a case of “be careful what you wish for.” I hope these bloggers don’t stop posting. I love their posts and their words and their ideas. Personally, I am so tickled when I get *any* readers, that I know I won’t have to worry about any of that for a long time (if ever).
*****
One of the posts I referred to above mentioned contests on Twitter that no one seems to win. I’ve noticed that too, and it pisses me off. I have participated in a couple of contests, but I think I’m done. It’s all a scam. People suck.
*****
Okay… I’m done whining and complaining. I’m sorry about all the yelling up above. I’ll be better soon.Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t help. But if you know anyone who wants to sponsor my blog and pay me pots and pots of money so that I can stop selling my books for extra cash, have them email me at seamusandmaggie(at)yahoo(dot)com. (*heh*)
Oh, hello! Come in and have a coffee and a pastry. It is free pastry day at Starbucks, so I stocked up. YAY!
Dear Depression and Anxiety,
Go away.
I know I shouldn’t be so rude, but you have more than over stayed your welcome in my life. It’s time you move on to greener pastures; to someone who can welcome you with open arms and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I would say here “It’s not you, it’s me”, but I can’t. It *is* you. You take up too much of my time and thoughts and energy. I am ready to embrace new, happier thoughts; new, healthier energy. I cannot do that until you get out.
Depression, you have been with me the longest. You have been an omnipresent cloud sitting right behind me for as long as I can remember. You have forced me to take pills to keep you from enveloping me completely. I don’t want to take pills any more. I don’t have a problem with “happy pills” per se, but when the very thought of “Did I remember to take my meds today?” awakens Anxiety, your partner in crime, I know it’s time to look at my dependence on them. Depression, because of you, I have taken on other peoples’ problems as my own. I have internalized so much more ICK than should be humanly possible to bear. You have encouraged me to sit out of my own life and miss out on too many fun things. I don’t want to miss out anymore. You need to find a new playmate.
Anxiety, what can I say to you? You show up at the most inopportune times, causing panic attacks and uncontrollable sobbing. I’m not entirely convinced you don’t also invite your friends, Self-Doubt and Self-Loathing, over quite frequently as well. I don’t want you, or your friends, around any more. I *know* I am a strong person. I *know* I am a capable person. And while my life, right now, may not be all butterflies and rainbows, I’m okay with that. It is the challenges that make us better and create new opportunities. I *know* that my life is great and getting greater. And I know that while your cousin, Nerves, might show up occasionally for a cocktail, that’s okay. He knows when to go. He doesn’t wait to be told.
So, old friends, it is time for you to go. I’d like to say it has been fun, but let’s be honest. It hasn’t been. You’re presence has caused weight gain, and tooth erosion from grinding my teeth. You’ve caused loss of friends and loss of opportunity. And it ends now. So, to quote the great Angela Bassett from the movie Waiting to Exhale: “Get your shit. Get your shit and GET OUT!!” (I love her!!) Your lease has been terminated. Your bags have been packed. And your taxi is waiting.
Best of luck to you.
MaM
P.S. Please tell Loneliness that he’s on notice and I’ll be talking to him soon. kthxbai.
Oh, hello! Come in. Have a coffee and a girl scout cookie.
Girls, let me ask you something. How much attention do you pay to your bras? After a recent medical appointment, I noticed that the bra I had on was, in a word, disgusting. I don’t know how I let it get so bad, but I was a little horrified. So I did what any smart girl would do – I bought a new one.
Well, let me tell you what. I wore my new bewb-hammock today and I was completely distracted by my own boobies!! Oh. Em. Gee. I couldn’t stop staring! Evidently, my old bra allowed the girls to sag and hang down like something you would see in a retirement home. On an old lady. Who is over 100. And nearly dead.
The girls’ new home lifts them up high and proud and happy. It’s quite something. Has this ever happened for you? Should I just get over my spectacular bewbs?
*****
So, do you know those people who barge through life with complete disregard for others? They stand in the hallway at work, talking loudly, and blocking your way? Or they stop, with their cart, in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store, and walk away? I wasn’t raised that way, and it irritates me to no end when people act that way.
Last weekend, I did an experiment and tried to act that way while I did my errands.
I couldn’t do it for more than an hour. I felt like such an asshole. I don’t know how people can live their lives with such a sense of entitlement; as if everyone owes them something.
*****
Spring starts tomorrow. The weather here has been spectacular this week. I’ve turned the heat off and had a window open during the day. It’s good to get rid of the winter mustiness and get some fresh air moving. I know I will be turning the heat on again before too long, but in the meantime? I’m going to enjoy this while I can.
*****
That’s all for now. To recap, “they’re real and they’re spectacular”, being rude is not my thing, and temps in the high 50s make me happy.
Oh, hello! Come on in and have a cocktail. And pretzels.
I was so proud of myself this week. I installed a new light fixture in my bedroom. All by myself! And I didn’t get electrocuted. Much. There was a little shock that felt like when you put your tongue on a battery. It scared me enough to go down and turn off the socket before I continued. But, YAY me! I did it. It’s not perfect. But the light works.
*****
Thursday, I had to go to New Jersey for a meeting. So, yeah, the Gas ‘n Sip spent more than $750 for a flight to send me to NJ for a meeting that took an hour and a half. That amount doesn’t take into account that I needed to hire a car, and buy lunch and dinner. Ridiculous. I absolutely could have called in for this meeting.
So I got up at 4:30 and flew down on a 7:15 flight. I got there at about 9. Then had to wait around until 2:30 for the meeting. I tried to sign in to get some work done, but the connectivity in the building was, um, lacking. So I gave up and just waited. Then, the only available flight was at 8:50, so I didn’t get home until about 10:30. Needless to say – Friday? I was a walking zombie. I must have left my productivity in the seat pocket in front of me on the plane.
*****
Today, it was 55 degrees out. It felt so much like spring outside. It was so wonderful to feel that. And I was able to open a window and air out some of the winter mustiness. That was great too. I went out for a walk at the high school track even, just to air out the winter mustiness in my lungs too. So great to think that spring is almost here.
*****
So, that was my week in a nutshell. I’m sleepy now though, so I’m going to get a good book and snuggle into clean sheets.
Do something good for you this week, okay?
Oh, hello! Come on in. You are just in time for lunch. We’re having mini-pizzas today. And root-beer.
In my never-ending quest to become a better human (as opposed to a better chinchilla, I guess) I have read a lot of “how-to” books. I am neither proud, nor ashamed, to admit that fact. It just is. Perhaps by seeing what worked for someone else, I might get ideas about how best to accomplish this feat. I know that there is no quick-fix to reach nirvana, and no one path works for everyone, but perhaps some combination of everyone’s ideas will help me.
One message that seems to be consistent throughout everything I have seen is to “put it out there”. Which I take to mean that what you put out into the universe as what you want, is what you will get. So if I put out there that I will be an asshat to everyone around me, everyone will be an asshat TO me in return. Or, if I want a million dollars, I put it out there, and I will get it. Somehow. Either way I’m not sure how valid this theory is, but I thought I would give it a try.
(The other thing that prompted this post is that I am reading, yet again, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love in preparation for her newest book Committed. I love her writing and find her to be very soothing. And despite the fact that they are making a movie of her EPL book, and have effectively ruined it by casting Julia Roberts as the lead, I still love the book. )
So, I am going to put some of my less personal wants out there and see what happens. There are some, not listed here, that are just too personal, too intimate, that I will put out there in another manner. (In other words, MYOB. Although, since I started this, it’s not really MYOB since I’m making it your business. But – – I’m all confused now. Never mind.)
- I want to learn to speak French. I think it is a lovely language, and would love to be able to speak it.
- I want to have enough money so that I don’t have to worry, constantly, about it. I don’t need 300 million dollars (but I wouldn’t say no to it!) but, enough to be comfortable and worry free would be delightful.
- I want a new job. I want to have a job that excites me, that fulfills me, that I can feel like I am making a difference in this world. It would be creative and challenging and allow me to continue to learn and grow as a person. I am convinced that jobs like this exist. And I’m going to find one.
- I want to be fit and healthy. I want some form of exercise to be a part of my every day life. I want it to be a matter of course, rather than a matter of note.
- I want to limit the food I eat to that which is fresh, healthy, and as close to its original state as possible. Limiting processed food will allow me to reach goal #4 above, and provided goal #2 above comes to fruition I can do this.
- I want a string of pearls.
- I want to be a writer.
That’s the start of my list. I think this is vastly different from my bucket list and yet both lists are important.
So, there it is Universe! I want these things. I don’t care how I get them – I’ll leave that up to you – but I *do* want them. So, bring it on. And, the sooner the better. kthxbai.
Oh, hello! I was scolded recently that you had to make your own sandwiches in here, so here’s a plate of brownies to make up for it.
I’m sitting at work, here at the Gas ‘n Sip, and it is pouring rain out. It’s gray. It looks cold. All the trees and grass are dead. This is day 3 of rain and it’s expected to continue for at least 3 more.
It’s one of those days where you feel blue, but not for any good reason. It’s a good day for a nap. And to be home on the sofa with a snuggly blanket and a familiar movie. If you have a fireplace, it’s a day for lighting a fire and grabbing a book, settling in for a good read. It’s definitely a day to NOT be at work, desperately trying to avoid doing the work you have to do.
Today, I seem to have turned procrastination into an art form. There is something that I really do have to get done, and yet…. here I am sitting and looking out at the rain. I’m thankful that it isn’t snow. If this were snow, I think we would have 3 feet by now.
On this gray day, think about what you might be doing. What’s your favorite way to survive a yucky, introspective day?
Oh, hello! Come in and have tea. And toast. With cinnamon-sugar.
Yesterday’s post was my 100th post on this blog. I didn’t notice it until after I hit publish.
I think I started this blog last June, not having any idea what I was doing, but knowing that I wanted to be writing. Something. I thought I would be one of those funny bloggers, but it hasn’t turned out that way, I think. Some of my posts have some humor in them, but most are more serious or introspective or sad. I do know that if you had asked me last June, I would have thought – 100 posts?!? Are you crazy? I don’t have that much to blather on about. (Well, some of the people who know me IRL would say that I should have had 100 posts by August of last year, but still…)
I read/subscribe to a bunch of blogs myself. I envy their wit and humor and eloquence and depth, but while I love their writing, I don’t know how to write any other way. The way I write is the way I am – I tend to just put stuff out there and let the chips fall. I would rather be “real” than sugar coat stuff. (And, for clarification, I don’t believe the people whose blogs I follow are being fake; just in general life, I get frustrated with people who spend all their time carefully choosing their words so as to not offend people. The bloggers I follow all tend to do the same as I do.)
One thing that gets me though is the frequency with which I see, in other blogs, mentions of the number of drafts, and how much time is spent editing and re-reading. THAT is when I wonder if I am doing something wrong. I wonder if I should have more drafts. Or if I should take a long time, rereading and word-smithing. I do neither now. Maybe my readership would be better if I did. Maybe not.
There have been a bunch of blogs that I’ve seen lately where they talk about how many visitors they have daily, or how many hits they have, or they compare themselves to other bloggers. I think I do that to a point – I check to see what my “counter” is up to, but for the most part, I don’t dwell on it. (I do love to see the counter thing go up; I squee a little every time. ) In actuality, I would guess I have about 10 people who regularly stop by. But that’s okay. I love that *anyone* stops by. A huge THANK YOU to you if you are reading this.
So, about 10 months in, and 100 posts later, onward. I hope to keep improving and to keep you coming back. And I hope the days where I post something to go into the “don’t even bother to read this” category become few and far between.
Thank you again. Here’s to 100 more.
Oh, hello! Come in and make yourself a sandwich.
I took a few days off from work last week to just chill and sleep. I’ve been busy (for me) the past few weeks, and wanted some time to sit and do nothing. As a result, I ended up watching more television than I normally do. Not the best use of my time, I know, but I did, so let’s move on.
What I have noticed about television is that the advertisers must think we, collectively, are dumb as a pile of hair. The ads shown, regardless of the time of day, the station, the program, are insipid crap. I understand that networks need advertisers to pay the bills. I get that. And I also get that having a DVR-type technology available means that advertisers need to work harder to make an impression so that people don’t fast forward through them, but come on! Obviously, I can’t speak for anyone else, but if the advertisers spent a little time coming up with thoughtful and well executed ads, I might watch them.
Some examples? Anything by Burger King. That “king” is terrifying. He makes me think of a pedophile every time I see him. I’m pretty sure that is *not* the image the company wants to put out there. Yeah, I remember it, but for all the wrong reasons. Also the kid with the small hands. WTF?
How about the phone company, and to be honest with you, I have no idea which one it is, that has Flava Flav on it. Um, really? You couldn’t get anyone more relevant? You had to pick the least attractive “star”?
And any of the weight-loss pill ads. I don’t mean Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. I mean those “You take this pill and you will lose 90 pounds in 2 weeks” ads. The women on these ads, who now claim to be able to strut around in a bikini, ARE ALREADY THIN! Show me someone realistic.
Again, I get it. The company has 30-60 seconds to get their message across, so it needs to be memorable. But, should the ads be SO dumb, SO inane that we remember them for the WRONG points? We (America) are not a stupid culture. (Sure, there are stupid people *in* the culture, but that’s not exclusive to America!) Why do these advertisers think it is okay to treat us like we are stumps in a forest?
C’mon, advertising companies! I challenge you to stop dumbing down your material. I challenge you to speak to us like we have brain cells. Until then, I guarantee, DVR use is going to skyrocket.
Oh, hello! Come in and have some yogurt.
I’ve had a couple of days off. I love not working. I would love to get paid for not working.
*****
So, recently, I hired someone to fix my resume. I have known for a long time that my resume sucks. I have never known how to write a good one. There really should be a class in high school or college that teaches people how to write resumes.
Turns out, the man I hired is a “Certified Resume Writer”. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. I’ve had to go back through my past employment and describe in detail where I worked and what I did there. For the past 15 years. OMG. I don’t even remember the names of some of the companies. I did the best I could. I hope he can help. Then I will be able to get a job that will allow me to shine.
*****
I recently decided to get serious about changing my life. I’ve mentioned that before here. In light of that, I have started another blog to document my weight loss. I think that by documenting it, I will be held better accountable. Don’t bother looking for it. I’m not linking to it here, and I’ll never mention it again here.
*****
My nephew is a basketball player. He is a sophomore in HS. And he plays for the varsity team. He is the only one. Well, there is another sophomore on the team, but he doesn’t play. My nephew plays quite a bit. Of course, I am extremely biased, but he is really good. He needs to bulk up a little bit but next year? He’ll be really dominant. He wants to play for Duke. I hope he does.
*****
As much as I love the twins, sometimes they drive me crazy!! I have been trying to write, but they keep walking all over me trying to nap. Most of the time I love it, but sometimes? OY!
Oh, hello! Come in and have a sandwich.
I was raised a Catholic. But this is not a post about religion. I don’t like to talk about religion with people. It’s too squishy a topic. Too much chance for people to get really pissy and offended.
So, Lent starts tomorrow. Or as they say in the church “The Season of Lent”. It always starts on the Wednesday after Mardi Gras, the Wednesday also known as Ash Wednesday. Now, being raised in the Catholic church, having gone through all the sacraments, years of Catechism, one would think that I would have some idea as to what the meaning of Lent is. But sadly, no. I know it’s something important, but I’ve got nothing.
Anyhoo. Growing up, we always had to “give up” something for Lent. I think it was a way to sacrifice and an attempt to make life better. Basically, we always gave up candy. I remember having a shoebox, into which went every piece of candy and gum I got for the next 40 days. “The Season” ended on Easter Sunday with a candy gorge. So not the point, I know, but that’s what happened.
Then in college, I absolutely lived on Tab and Reese’s. (Yes, Tab. Don’t judge. It’s awesome!) So that year, I gave up soda. Tab, Diet Coke, everything. Nothing fizzy. At Easter, the sister gave me a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke. It was so GROSS!! (Try that experiment – go several weeks without soda, then have some. You’ll be off soda.)
A couple of years ago, I gave up drinking. (I KNOW!) For the most part, it wasn’t difficult. Except at hockey games. I love a beer at the games. That part sucked, but I made it through the 40 days with no problem.
This year, Herb and I are going to give up drinking, EXCEPT at hockey games. No hard alcohol. No wine. No beer. Easy peasy. But I am also going to give up chips. Well, salty snacks – chips, Cheetos, etc. It seems to be a weakness, so as a way to improve my health, I want to add to the “this is what I’m giving up” list. It should be interesting while I’m PMSing, but it’s only 40 days. Right? RIGHT?
At this point, for me, Lent has nothing to do with religion. It’s sort of like New Year’s day – it’s a way to jumpstart a self-improvement plan and get remotivated. Any excuse to start over, right? Rewrite the path you are on.
Wish me luck.
MagAndMoo's Blog 