Oh, hello! Come in and have a coffee and a pastry. It is free pastry day at Starbucks, so I stocked up. YAY!
Dear Depression and Anxiety,
I know I shouldn’t be so rude, but you have more than over stayed your welcome in my life. It’s time you move on to greener pastures; to someone who can welcome you with open arms and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I would say here “It’s not you, it’s me”, but I can’t. It *is* you. You take up too much of my time and thoughts and energy. I am ready to embrace new, happier thoughts; new, healthier energy. I cannot do that until you get out.
Depression, you have been with me the longest. You have been an omnipresent cloud sitting right behind me for as long as I can remember. You have forced me to take pills to keep you from enveloping me completely. I don’t want to take pills any more. I don’t have a problem with “happy pills” per se, but when the very thought of “Did I remember to take my meds today?” awakens Anxiety, your partner in crime, I know it’s time to look at my dependence on them. Depression, because of you, I have taken on other peoples’ problems as my own. I have internalized so much more ICK than should be humanly possible to bear. You have encouraged me to sit out of my own life and miss out on too many fun things. I don’t want to miss out anymore. You need to find a new playmate.
Anxiety, what can I say to you? You show up at the most inopportune times, causing panic attacks and uncontrollable sobbing. I’m not entirely convinced you don’t also invite your friends, Self-Doubt and Self-Loathing, over quite frequently as well. I don’t want you, or your friends, around any more. I *know* I am a strong person. I *know* I am a capable person. And while my life, right now, may not be all butterflies and rainbows, I’m okay with that. It is the challenges that make us better and create new opportunities. I *know* that my life is great and getting greater. And I know that while your cousin, Nerves, might show up occasionally for a cocktail, that’s okay. He knows when to go. He doesn’t wait to be told.
So, old friends, it is time for you to go. I’d like to say it has been fun, but let’s be honest. It hasn’t been. You’re presence has caused weight gain, and tooth erosion from grinding my teeth. You’ve caused loss of friends and loss of opportunity. And it ends now. So, to quote the great Angela Bassett from the movie Waiting to Exhale: “Get your shit. Get your shit and GET OUT!!” (I love her!!) Your lease has been terminated. Your bags have been packed. And your taxi is waiting.
Best of luck to you.
P.S. Please tell Loneliness that he’s on notice and I’ll be talking to him soon. kthxbai.
2010/03/26 at 6:52 pm
I love the way you wrote about this topic! And that Angela Bassett line is one of my favorite lines! Now you just need to load Depression and Anxiety into the white BMW, put it in the driveway and set it on fire! New beginnings, right? Like Debra said: bring on the joy and love!
2010/03/24 at 5:35 pm
This post made me smile through tears. You are such an amazing person. I know you can kick out the rascals and as soon as you do, Joy and Love are sure to show up! xoxo
2010/03/24 at 5:47 pm
Ugh! My last comment was horrible. I in no way meant to imply that you did not have Joy or Love NOW, just that they would stick around more often, longer, once the other guys leave. And bring their cousins, Mirth, Serenity, and Hope.
Anyway, I’m sorry for writing without thinking. I should really have a handler.
2010/03/24 at 6:56 pm
LOL! I knew what you meant the first time. And thank you for both comments. xoxo