Me again. (Well, really, who else would it be? hee)
In case you are curious about how I’m doing in Reform School, I LOVE IT. I think I’m excelling.
I have 3 Inner Mean Girls: Mean Marcy, Scaredy Kat, and Perfect Shawn. They have all been put on notice that while I value their opinions, I know what’s best for me. I need to look at the situations where they appear and figure out why. The more I do that, the stronger my resolve becomes.
I made a list of 10 things to accomplish by my 45th birthday. I don’t know that I’m ready to go public with all of them, yet, but one of them is….
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(please wait while this poster hyperventilates)
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(your patience is appreciated; please stand by)
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Okay. I am going to train for the Tri-for-a-Cure next August. It is a mini-triathlon for breast cancer. 1/3 mi swim, 15 mi bike, 3 mi run. The run will be my biggest challenge. I have bad knees. But, I have 10 months. And there’s an app for that. the Couch to 5K app that helps you train. Before Reform School, this would have been something I would have said, Yeah, I could train for that. While sitting on the sofa. Eating Munchos. Listening to Mean Marcy and Scaredy Kat tell me that I couldn’t do it and that I would fail.
And now that I’ve gone public, I *have* to do it.
Oh, and I’ll be hitting you up for donations when the time comes. And if you follow me on Twitter, I’ll be hitting you up there, too. Maybe even Facebook.
Training starts today. I’ll keep you posted.
Oh hello! Yes, I’m here again so soon. The tea is fresh. Help yourself.
If you’ve spent any time here at all, you know that I am ridiculously hard on myself. My self-esteem hovers near non-existent. And generally speaking, I am lazy. I have posted before that I need to make a change and I get lonely, and blah blah blah… until even *I* am sick of myself.
Well, I also spend a lot of time trolling around on other people blogs and clicking links to things they like. By doing that, somehow, I had come across this. Over the summer, I even signed up for the 40-day cleanse. But, continuing a familiar pattern, I didn’t follow through because I wasn’t held accountable by anyone. (Not even myself.) And I hadn’t told anyone that I was doing it. Part of this website talks about the Inner Mean Girl Reform School. It’s a 10-week program to help you stop being so hard on yourself, enjoy your life, and to feel successful. BRILLIANT!!
Yeah, except, again, continuing a familiar pattern, I DON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT. GAH!!
And then.
I have a birth mark on my forehead that is usually not visible. It used to be when I was little, but very rarely now. It’s in the shape of an angel. When I was little, I thought it was to remind me that I have a guardian angel protecting me. But as the mark faded, I forgot about it. And I forgot about my angel. On Sunday, as I was getting ready for my weekly visit to my parents, she was back. My angel was back. She is still faint, but I could see her again. I wondered if she was back for a reason, but then set that aside and went on with my day.
I found out on Monday why my angel appeared again. She was reminding me that I do, in fact, have angels working for me.
How do I know this?
Monday evening, while sprawled on the sofa watching (very likely) another NCIS* repeat, I got a Tweet from an angel. She wanted to know if I would attend the Inner Mean Girl Reform School with her, as her guest. It would be her gift to me. (I would tell you who it is, but I’m not sure she wants that, so I will keep my angel’s real name a secret. Henceforth, she will be referred to as Angel.)
I immediately burst into tears. And almost fell off the couch. Here was this woman, whom I have never met IRL, offering to in essence GIVE ME MONEY TO CHANGE MY LIFE. What? Really?
WHO DOES THAT???
Angels do.
Angel and I have “known” each other only for about a year. We Tweet frequently. We have spoken on the phone occasionally. We have read each other’s blogs often. I wouldn’t say we know each other well, but evidently, Angel saw something in me that told her I am worth her time and money.
I. Was. Floored.
No one has ever done something like this for me before. And as anyone who knows me knows, I don’t typically accept things like this. From anyone. Sure. Buy me a coffee or a lunch once in a while, (and I will reciprocate), but this? Normally, it makes me uncomfortable.
This was different. I didn’t get that feeling of “Oh she just feels sorry for me” or whatever. I just knew that she sincerely wanted to give me this gift, that it made her happy to do so. And it felt right. I know that if I were a better money manager, this is something *I* would offer to do for someone, but I didn’t know I was worth it. (And someday? I will do this for someone. Pay it forward. It’s the right thing to do.)
So I said yes. And cried some more. (It’s what I do. Apparently.)
So, starting tonight, and for the next 10 weeks, I will be back in school. Reform school. What am I hoping to get out of it? I hope to be able to tell my Inner Mean Girl to STFU (nicely of course… *batting eyelashes innocently*). I want to stop hearing all the negative things that go on in my head. I want to find the motivation to get off of the couch and walk. I want to replace all the negative cuck (It’s a word. Shut up.) with positive stuff. And remind myself that I am worth it.
Part of this process is to solicit support from people. So, instead of hiding on my sofa, in front of the computer, here I am. Putting it out there. I am going to Reform School and will be making positive changes in my life. I am going to need your support. (Yes. I’m looking at you… and you.) I will slip up and I need you to call me out. (But kindly, please.) And I would like to share with you what I’m going through. I hope you will help me and accept me and support me. (And if you can, join me! Sign up, too!) (No, I didn’t get paid to say that…. le sigh.)
Anyway. That’s what is going on here. And in about a week, I get to meet Angel, in person, for the first time. She is coming to visit me! And I’m sure I’ll cry again.
Thank you, Angel, from the bottom of my heart. You have given me a gift that I can never repay. I hope I am worth it. And I hope I deserve it. And I look forward to going to Reform School with you.
*One of Tony’s lines has stuck with me. And I think it’s kind of appropriate here: If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got. If you want something different, you need to do different.
Who knew Tony DiNozzo could be so profound?
Oh, hello! Come on in and have a cocktail. And pretzels.
I was so proud of myself this week. I installed a new light fixture in my bedroom. All by myself! And I didn’t get electrocuted. Much. There was a little shock that felt like when you put your tongue on a battery. It scared me enough to go down and turn off the socket before I continued. But, YAY me! I did it. It’s not perfect. But the light works.
*****
Thursday, I had to go to New Jersey for a meeting. So, yeah, the Gas ‘n Sip spent more than $750 for a flight to send me to NJ for a meeting that took an hour and a half. That amount doesn’t take into account that I needed to hire a car, and buy lunch and dinner. Ridiculous. I absolutely could have called in for this meeting.
So I got up at 4:30 and flew down on a 7:15 flight. I got there at about 9. Then had to wait around until 2:30 for the meeting. I tried to sign in to get some work done, but the connectivity in the building was, um, lacking. So I gave up and just waited. Then, the only available flight was at 8:50, so I didn’t get home until about 10:30. Needless to say – Friday? I was a walking zombie. I must have left my productivity in the seat pocket in front of me on the plane.
*****
Today, it was 55 degrees out. It felt so much like spring outside. It was so wonderful to feel that. And I was able to open a window and air out some of the winter mustiness. That was great too. I went out for a walk at the high school track even, just to air out the winter mustiness in my lungs too. So great to think that spring is almost here.
*****
So, that was my week in a nutshell. I’m sleepy now though, so I’m going to get a good book and snuggle into clean sheets.
Do something good for you this week, okay?
Oh, hello! Have a muffin. I think they are lemon poppyseed – my favorite!
So, evidently, at the end of last year (aka a week ago) I contacted my friend Moo and said – Yeah, I’m fat. I’m sick of being fat. I’m going to work out. Will you help me? And she said – Hellz yeah. And then kept the email. Damnit! It’s in writing now so I can’t get out of it.
After much whining and denial, I dug the Wii board out from under the couch, found the remote and nunchuk, and popped in the EA Active disk. I am LOVING it. I really like the Wii Fit games and the little Mii – although I could do without the voice asking me if I’ve been too busy to work out, or if I tend to fall a lot as I walk, and groaning “OH!” as I step on the board. *stinkeye* I could also do without the computer puffing up my Mii to remind me that I am “Rubenesque”. I know I am. But the games are fun.
With the Active disk, I actually get a series of exercises that include running (in place), strength training, balance, and a variety. Before I know it, I’m through all my exercises and done for the day. I’m starting at the easiest level, and it takes only 25-30 minutes to do all of them, but I’m starting. That’s the best part. Baby steps, right?
Yes, I did this as part of the New Year’s intention that everyone makes – get skinny. That would be nice, but my goal is to be healthier than I was in 2009 and to not get winded on stairs. (Don’t judge me.) I deserve to be healthy and to take care of myself. If I don’t do it, who will?
Somewhat related, but not, is that the new season of Biggest Loser starts tonight. Don’t worry, I won’t be blogging about this season. I am pretty sure no one read it anyway. And Potes, over at televisionwithoutpity.com does a GREAT job of recapping the episodes. She is laugh-out-loud funny – for real. So I’ll just be watching along with the rest of you to see if the dude over 500 pounds can get under 300; or if the couple who, together, weigh almost 1000 pounds can make it through a workout without dying. I hope so.
Anyhoo, I’m back to Wii-ing, and am pretty pleased with myself. Maybe I’ll do it every day and blog about it, then they can make a dull movie about it, with someone fabulous playing the “before” me and someone MORE fabulous (i.e. ME) playing the “after” me.
Healthy again in 2010.
I’ll keep you posted.
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