Oh, hello. Have a finger sandwich.
I had every intention of continuing the 30 Days of Truth today.
But I just found out that the 5-year-old daughter of a coworker passed away yesterday. And my heart is broken for the family.
I follow people on Twitter who have lost children, and recognized the tragedy of the situation. But I don’t “know” those people and that made it so easy to go on, unaffected. Actually knowing, and interacting, with the parent that has the horror of burying one of their children makes it so much more real. So much more horrible.
I don’t have kids. So I will never *really* know the depth of love and attachment that parents have for their kids. I can try to imagine it, but I recognize that even my imagination will never come close.
So, my dear coworker, my heart and thoughts go out to you today. I will forever be in awe of your strength for going on after this unimaginable tragedy. I wish there was some way to make it “better”, but there isn’t. You are now forever changed and your world will likely never be as bright.
And to all of those I follow on Twitter, and anyone else, who have had the unfortunate experience of this, know that I now will not read your story and move on, unaffected. I will recognize that your world, too, is forever broken. And while you may go on, I know that it will never be exactly right again.
Oh, hello!! I’m just making coffee. Want some?
So, it seems that there is good news just popping up all over the place today! Not for me, yet, but as much as I hate to admit it, it’s not *always* about me. Apparently.
Tall dude at work got a new chair. Which may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, it is.
Mr. Russia sold an old iPhone for almost $200 – 1st generation. 4 years old. Holy cr@p!
Greg’s fiance got her new ring – the old one had much wrong with it (Thanks, Jared) so they had to get her a new one.
It’s possible that someone will be tendering his resignation here, in order to pursue what sounds like a very exciting new opportunity.
And one of my besties has a new gig that I can’t talk about, but it’s VERY exciting!!
And through it all, I’m celebrating with them. The best part for me – because I’ll make it about me if it kills me – is that where I normally would have a pang of jealousy and would think “When will it be *my* turn??”… That didn’t happen. I’m truly thrilled for each of these people and the wonderful events in their lives.
It’s so nice to hear the good stuff. There’s too much focus on the bad stuff in this world. So, today, I’m asking you to celebrate the good stuff – even the small things like a new chair. Let’s make the small wins more important for a while.
YAY for everyone!!!
Oh, hello! Come on in and have some iced tea.
There’s something wrong with me. Mentally. I’m convinced of it. Someone here at the Gas ‘n Sip just invited me to his child’s first birthday party. I almost started crying.
This is strange for many reasons.
- Crying? Really?
- I don’t enjoy children, typically.
- I don’t enjoy socializing with circus work folks, typically.
- Crying? Really?
Thank goat I decided to take this Friday and Monday off. Evidently, I need a nap. Or, you know, a smack in the head.
Oh Hello! Come in. Sorry about the dust and cobwebs. I’ll tidy up. But have some pasta salad.
I haven’t been around. I didn’t have much to say for a while. Now it seems I have a whole bunch of things, and hope I remember all of it so I can get it down here.
Let’s see… Last Thursday, I participated in the UW Day of Caring by helping to beautify the local YMCA. Weeding, mulching, etc. It was a long day, with a lot of work, but I’m glad I did it. While I was weeding, one of the residents came over to “help” me. Recently, the city closed a YWCA, so there are women living there too. So, this resident that came over to help me – I never did get her name – was very nice. I’m pretty sure she was a little bit crazy, but she seemed nice enough. She was telling me about her huge house 2 towns over, and the house on the beach in another state. Yes, she lives at the shelter and goes to another shelter for her food. She has a 15-year-old daughter with whom she doesn’t get along.
Then she started telling me about her husband, and how he beat her. She worked 2 jobs while he went to school, so now he’s educated and she’s not. And for some reason, she seems to think she can’t go to school now.
While she’s telling me all this, part of me was screaming in my head – I JUST WANT TO WEED!! I CAN’T HANDLE ALL THIS INFO!! But I tried to be sympathetic and most of all, just listen. I think that’s what she wanted most of all. I know that much of what she said was probably not true. And that’s okay. She wanted someone to listen to her.
She must have thought I was nice, too, because she went inside and brought out Minnesota. What? Yeah, Minnesota is a kitten. Probably 6 months old. Double paws. White with 2 different color eyes. OH EM GEE. What a sweet little boy. She was very proud of her little boy.
So, I’ll admit that my initial reason for volunteering for DoC was to get the day off from work, and also to add to my list of volunteerism. That is now part of my annual review – how much I help in the community.
But after that day? I have a new perspective. It is very easy to see a homeless person and marginalize them; avert your eyes; walk by without “seeing” them. But they all have a story. They all have a past. They all came from somewhere. What’s that saying? There but for the grace?
I’m not saying that I’m going to go sign up to work with the homeless or volunteer at the shelter. But it’s nice to get a new perspective and to see things from outside my comfort zone once in a while. I appreciate what I have so much more.
Oh, hello! Come in, have some coffee. The muffins are almost done.
Before I start, I would like to welcome 2 new readers: Hawk Eye and Foible Gal. I know they are new, because they commented. There may have been others, but without comments, I would have no idea. Foible Gal also has a blog that you can find here. So, a big Mag and Moo welcome to you both.
Now. On with the whining:
I found out that someone here at the Gas ‘n Sip got engaged over the weekend. He and I work in the same area, and Soon-to-be Mrs also works here, but in a different area. They’ve had some ups and downs in the relationship recently, but it seems that has all been worked out and now… onward to wedded bliss. (And yes, he went to Jared. *heh*) I wish the absolute best to both of them. They deserve every happiness.
A day later, I also found out that another friend of mine is now in a serious relationship with “an incredible guy”. She has also been through some ups and downs with previous relationships and has been treated very badly in some of them. She also recently lost a loved one, so it’s time she got some good ju-ju going in her life. Turns out, Mr. Incredible Guy helped her through her recent loss, and they talk all the time, despite not living especially close to each other. She sounds so happy! I don’t know him very well, but if he really treats her the way she describes? Then I am thrilled for them too. I like to see happy couples.
Things like this is why Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. (That’s a whole other post…)
So, what am I whining about this time?? Good things are happening, and yet I whine. (It’s a gift. Seriously.)
I posed a question to my friend Debra the other day: Is it possible to truly be happy for other peoples’ joy while being a little bit jealous? Can a person hold 2 opposing thoughts in their brain and have them both be true? Or am I just incredibly self-absorbed and need to make it all about me again?
I Googled that question (the 2 opposing thoughts one, not the “Am I self-absorbed” one) and found: intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” by Fitzgerald, along with almost 7 million other options for answers.
I would like to believe that while, yes, I possess a certain level of self-absorption, I am not SO far gone that I need to make it all about me. I know that, yes, I really am happy for both of these couples and I really do want them to succeed in remaining as happy as they are right now. But also, yes, I am a little jealous and would like to feel some of that new love giddiness and long-term commitment security in my own life.
So, what do you think? Tell me if you have ever thought 2 things that were opposing, at the same time. What were they? Did you question your sanity? (That probably just happens to me… never mind.) I’m curious how others handle this phenomenon.
Oh, hello! Come in. Have some mac and cheese. It’s good comfort food.
There is a woman at work who intimidates me greatly. Or is it greatly intimidates me? See! I’m doubting my grammar now!!!
This woman, Sheba, is tall and thin while I am neither. She is really REALLY smart. But I think I am, too. She’s extraordinary at her job, but she has been here for more than 10 years. There are days when I think I am good at my job, but others when I think “How have I fooled people for so long and when am I going to be found out for the fraud that I am?”
Today is one of the latter days. Probably because I spent the morning in a meeting with Sheba and, predictably, came out of said meeting feeling like I should probably hang up my heels and go work at a real Gas ‘n Sip. It wasn’t pretty. I wanted to cry.
I spend a lot of time wallowing in self-doubt. I have no idea when this phenomenon started or what the cause of it is but I do know that going through life feeling like the dumbest woman on the planet is not working for me. (I think a strong contender for that title would be the woman who is trying to eat her way into being the fattest woman ever. I’m told you can actually go online and watch her eat. Um. Gross.) (But I digress.)
The reality is that I know that I am *not* stupid. I don’t know if I’m MENSA smart, but I do okay. I know that I am capable of many things. I also know that I am smarter than a lot of people I work with. Or maybe it’s better to say that I’m better at some things than they are and vice versa. So when self-doubt comes knocking, why can’t I just tell it that I’m not interested in hearing what it has to say today and wish it well? Why do I allow myself to get knocked down? Why is it SO easy to believe the bad stuff and SO difficult to believe the best?
Of course, true to form, I will now spend several days hours over-analyzing things to find out what is going on, only to not come up with anything or to get distracted and put it off until the next time. I would be willing to bet that most people feel like this at some point or another. But I wonder if I am different and feel this way more frequently than others. Is there any way to know?
I think I would like to be one of those women you see out who look like they have it all together – they look polished, they walk proudly and with a purpose, they have the “perfect” partner/job/car/home/life. But, in the same breath, I wonder if “she” really exists anywhere? No one has a perfect anything. I know that. And maybe “she” just has a huge wall or facade up that is masking her personal heartbreak. But, having the confidence to project that “I’m awesome, always” attitude, however briefly, would be kinda fun. I think.
Or maybe it would just be exhausting, and I should nap instead.
Oh, hello! Come on in and have a glass of wine. (Or whine. After today’s post, whine makes more sense.)
I just finished another day at the Gas ‘n Sip. Another unfulfilling, suck day. I know, I know. How many times am I going to complain about it before I do something??
The point is, I *am* trying to do something about it. I have had my resume redone by a “Certified Resume Writer”. (Did you even know there was such a thing? I didn’t.) I have applied for no less than 5 jobs within the Gas ‘n Sip in the past 3 months. Nothing. I have applied for at least 5 outside of the Gas ‘n Sip. Nothing. I have even indicated that I will relocate. I don’t necessarily want to do that, because my parents are getting older and I would hate to miss something. But doing something is better than doing nothing.
Recently, I made a reservation to go to Toronto for 3 days of meetings. I did this *after* confirmation that the meetings were set and to go ahead. The first day of meetings was scheduled for Monday at 9am. Therefore, I had to go up on Sunday. Pain in my… kneecap, but okay. I’ll do it. That Sunday is also the last hockey game of the season. F***!! But again, okay. It sucks, but I’ll do it. I called Herb, and told him that I wouldn’t be able to go to the game and he should give my ticket away. So, flight booked. Hotel booked. (You know where this is going, right?)
I get in today to an email telling me that “Oh, the meeting has to be changed.” M#(*^% F(#*^%@&$!!!!! YOU TOLD ME TO BOOK THE TRIP. YOU CAUSED ME TO CHANGE LONG TERM PERSONAL PLANS. AND NOW YOU TELL ME “Tee Hee! Just kidding. Come 2 weeks later.” Well, guess what. I THINK YOU SUCK! YOUR TIME IS *NOT* MORE VALUABLE/IMPORTANT/WORTHY THAN MINE.
I decided to *not* call them today to confirm a new date. I thought it might be less than constructive, given the steam coming out of my ears, and the fact that the top of my head had blown off.
Also today, I went online to try to take another loan from my 401(k). I took one at the end of the year 2009, in a time of need. I’ve reached that time again. Well, turns out I can only have 1 loan at a time, and if I want a loan, I have to pay off the first one. Well, hmm… IF I HAD THE MONEY TO PAY OFF THE 1ST LOAN, I WOULDN’T NEED A LOAN, NOW WOULD I??? So I called them and asked if I could just increase the amount of my current loan? No. *sigh* Great. Well, no groceries for Kitten until next payday. And just ignore those overdrafts.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on other blogs about people getting frustrated with branding and statistics. It makes me sad that so many people are affected by that. There is a small part of me that would love to have a corporation sponsor my blog – see the above rant about needing money – but given all the angst that these other well-respected bloggers have to deal with, it might be a case of “be careful what you wish for.” I hope these bloggers don’t stop posting. I love their posts and their words and their ideas. Personally, I am so tickled when I get *any* readers, that I know I won’t have to worry about any of that for a long time (if ever).
One of the posts I referred to above mentioned contests on Twitter that no one seems to win. I’ve noticed that too, and it pisses me off. I have participated in a couple of contests, but I think I’m done. It’s all a scam. People suck.
Okay… I’m done whining and complaining. I’m sorry about all the yelling up above. I’ll be better soon.Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t help. But if you know anyone who wants to sponsor my blog and pay me pots and pots of money so that I can stop selling my books for extra cash, have them email me at seamusandmaggie(at)yahoo(dot)com. (*heh*)