Life thru the haze of cat hair.

Monthly Archives: September 2010

G’morn lovelies.  Today’s post is “Someone who has made your life worth living for”.

I don’t really know how I feel about this topic.  I feel like I live my life for me.  I make my life worth living.

Maybe it’s the dangling participle at the end of the prompt that’s throwing me for a loop…

Anyway, if I have to choose a person other than myself that makes me a better person…I would chose my husband.  He’s pretty much the only person I want to hang out with on the weekends.  We still hold hands in public. (We’ve been married 15 years…*gasp*)  He makes me crazy.  He makes me angry.  He irritates the hell out of me sometimes.  He makes me laugh.  He makes me happy.  He makes me think.  He’s my best friend.  And, I almost have him housebroken. 😀


As part of all this new stuff, because I’m not shaking up my world enough, I have decided to get back to doing yoga. I’m going to start back slowly, but I’m going to try to do it every day for 30 days. And write about it.

This is more for me to track my progress so feel free to skip these posts.

Back 10 years ago, I did yoga quite regularly and with some of the worlds best yogis. I was not full yogini material then, but I enjoyed it and loved the workout.

Fast forward to today:

Day 1: Did you know that you cannot bend a board? Jeepers. Upward-dog felt like my back was going to break.

I’m starting with 10 sun salutations every morning. That’s this week. I intend to add something each week and join a yoga studio at the end of this to keep it up.

The dizziness, the tightness, the sweat. OY! It all felt good though. And I’m looking forward to continuing.

Thank you Frank from the Gas ‘n Sip for issuing this little challenge.

Oh, hello! Come in. We’re having hummus and pita. YUM!

Oh, and don’t mind ~Moo~… It seems her participle is dangling. *blush*

I thought this was a tough one. I don’t have kids (that I know of) and I’m not married. So I am not living for them.

I’ve already written about my mom and that she is my hero. So maybe her.

I think until I started Reform School, I had no idea who I was living for, or why, for that matter.  But I’m living for me. I’m living so that I can experience things and maybe matter to someone in this world in some small way.

For the first time in a long time, I can feel the cobwebs shaking off and I’m going to really start living.

And Mean Marcy is going to help me.

Oh, and I do live for the Wonder Twins. They need me and in no small way, I need them.

Tomorrow: Day 8: Someone who made your life hell.

So, here we are at Day 6.  I am pretty proud of MagandMoo and me for making it this far.

Today’s topic is something you hope you never have to do.  This is an easy one for me.

I hope I never have to bury one of my children.  My kids, Boy Wonder and Mini Me, are the reason for my existence.  While they annoy the tar out of me sometimes and make me want to pull my hair out, I cannot imagine my life without them.  I am overwhelmed with love and pride when I think about what good humans they are turning in to.

This fear, something happening to my kids, actually manifests itself sometimes to the point that I have to talk myself out of a panic attack.  For example, we were driving back from Middle of Nowhere on Saturday where Mini Me had a volleyball tournament.  She was riding with her team on a school bus about 40 miles behind me.  Several emergency vehicles passed me headed toward her direction with lights and sirens blazing.  Within a matter of minutes, I had worried myself in to such a state that something had happened to her bus that I had to text her.  Then, it took about 15 minutes for her to return my text…which was just about enough time for me to convince myself to turn around and follow the last police car.  Just as I started to look for a turn around point, my phone buzzed and Mini Me was fine. 

I can’t wrap my head around how a parent would deal with losing their child…and I pray that I never have to experience it firsthand.

Tomorrow – Someone who has made your life worth living for…I promise it will be less heavy 🙂

Oh hello! Come in and have some soup.

Today: Something I hope I never have to do in my life

I don’t ever want to have to….

 – dig worms for bait

 – be a food taster at a hot dog plant

 – be a maid at a frat house

 – be responsible for keeping movie stars off drugs


 – be the cause of someone else’s emotional or physical pain.

Tomorrow: someone who has made your life living for

G’morning feathered friends!!  It finally feels like fall in my ‘hood!  Squee!!

So, today’s topic is “something you hope to do in your life”.  There is a lot of stuff I want to do in my life.  But my big “I hope to” is to travel. 

Mr. ~moo~ and I have recently started traveling and I could not love it more.  There is a big beautiful planet out there that I need to explore.  More importantly, there is a whole lot of food out there that I need to sample!!

Oh, hello! Come in. Scrambled eggs and bacon are ready.

So… Day 5: Something I hope to do in my life.

I want to live in Paris and in Ireland.

I went to Paris on vacation in 2001 and fell in love with the city. It was probably the best vacation I have ever taken. I want to live there because

  1. Duh, it’s Paris
  2. I want to learn to speak French. I think it’s such a beautiful language
  3. Just the whole culture and energy and history of the city

I also want to live in Ireland. My mother is from Ireland and when I went there, I felt at home, immediately. The people there were so friendly and welcoming. I’m not sure which part of the country I would like to live in, but I can decide that later.

Tomorrow: something you hope you never have to do.

Yesterday’s blog didn’t get published at my request.  I wrote it and asked MagandMoo not to post it because I am not ready to share that part of me. 

Today’s blog, however, is easier for me to share.

I forgive my father.  He chose to not be a part of my life as a child or as an adult.  He chose not to be a part of my childrens’ lives.  He chose to live his life isolated from his family. 

He died on October 31, 2009 from a 5 year battle with prostate cancer.  I knew he was sick because he called me when he was diagnosed.  And then he called me when he was dying.  He wanted me to absolve his guilt.  I allowed him to die in peace because I forgave him for his choices a long time ago.

Oh, hello! Come in and have some tea and yogurt. It’s the yummy Greek kind.

So… something I forgive someone else for….

I bet you think I am going to write about Mr. F*ck Off, from yesterday. Nah, that’s too easy. I’ve forgiven that long ago.

No, this is bigger. Today, I am going to forgive the boy who took my innocence. The boy, for he was only 15 to my 16, who, after a “date” at a movie, didn’t listen when I said NO. Over and over, I said NO.  And yet he kept on until he was done. The boy who didn’t give me the option of losing my virginity to someone lovely. The boy who instead took it from me without my permission in the front seat of a Chevy Malibu.

That event lost me “friends” who didn’t believe me when I told them what he did. It eroded my self-worth as I thought that was how I deserved to be treated. It led me to make decisions that I wouldn’t have otherwise made. And while I can’t regret the things I have done as the result of that event, since they made me who I am now, I can wonder how things might be different for me now.

And so, Mike, I forgive you for raping me. I forgive you for changing the course of my life. But I have spent way too much time and energy on thinking of you and then and it. You are being evicted. I will never forget what happened, but it’s been almost 28 years now. This baggage is heavy and I’m not going to carry it anymore.  I said NO then and you didn’t listen. I’m saying NO MORE now and you don’t have a choice.

Tomorrow: something you hope to do in your life

Oh, hello! Come in. Have a piece of cinnamon swirl cake.  And tea.

Day 3: Something I have to forgive myself for.

Back in the day, I gave up my power to men. I let them use me. I changed myself to fit what it was I thought they wanted. I put my life on hold to wait for them – to call, to come over, to pay me the least little bit of attention. Even then, I didn’t think it was necessarily right but I thought that it was all I deserved.

The last man I was involved with was quite a while ago. It was more of the same. I gave him all of the power. The last time we spoke was the last time we spoke. It didn’t start out as a fight. But it ended with me saying “I love you” and him telling me to “F*ck off”.

I’ll wait while you digest that.

As a result of my experiences, I have been alone a long time. I have also not taken care of myself physically because what’s the point? I say I love you and get told to f*ck off? It’s pretty devastating, mentally.

I forgive myself for allowing that to happen. I didn’t think I deserved more. I liked having a man around. It was better to have “him” around than not. I forgive myself for letting him devastate me like that. I want my power back. I want to feel like myself again.

Tomorrow: Something to forgive someone for.