Oh, hello! Come in. Have a piece of cinnamon swirl cake. And tea.
Day 3: Something I have to forgive myself for.
Back in the day, I gave up my power to men. I let them use me. I changed myself to fit what it was I thought they wanted. I put my life on hold to wait for them – to call, to come over, to pay me the least little bit of attention. Even then, I didn’t think it was necessarily right but I thought that it was all I deserved.
The last man I was involved with was quite a while ago. It was more of the same. I gave him all of the power. The last time we spoke was the last time we spoke. It didn’t start out as a fight. But it ended with me saying “I love you” and him telling me to “F*ck off”.
I’ll wait while you digest that.
As a result of my experiences, I have been alone a long time. I have also not taken care of myself physically because what’s the point? I say I love you and get told to f*ck off? It’s pretty devastating, mentally.
I forgive myself for allowing that to happen. I didn’t think I deserved more. I liked having a man around. It was better to have “him” around than not. I forgive myself for letting him devastate me like that. I want my power back. I want to feel like myself again.
Tomorrow: Something to forgive someone for.