Oh, hello. Have some tea and graham crackers.
Have you ever given someone advice about their life or how they are living it – whether invited to or not? (If you said no, you are a big giant liar. *grin*) I did this weekend and it got me thinking.
A friend had made a statement that I interpreted to mean that while she currently was in a very happy place in her life, she was holding back celebrating it out of fear. The way I understood the situation, she was either afraid of being happy because she has other friends who are struggling and didn’t want them to think she was rubbing it in; OR she was afraid because she has other friends who celebrated their happiness and it ended up going away.
What the hell do I know? Who am I? I was able to work myself up into a snit to tell her that she needed to be thrilled with her happiness and to celebrate or keep it quiet as she sees fit based on her own feelings, not based on others’ experiences.
Again – what the hell do I know?? I’m so consumed in my own brain, and my own thoughts, that looking back, I recognize I do EXACTLY what I told my friend not to do. It is so easy to give advice to others. I suppose it has something to do with an objective view of a situation. Or fresh eyes. Or it could have to do with being really, really meddlesome.
I’m pretty sure I fall into the meddlesome category. I’m not asked for advice, but I readily provide it. I’d like to think that I might have some nugget of wisdom to impart on occasion, but realistically I either need to just STFU or spend a little time cleaning my own house, so to speak. I need to quiet some of those nagging voices in my brain, the pointless nattering, the over-thinking of EVERYTHING.
I know it won’t be easy. But it’s necessary. And, who knows? Perhaps soon, I, too, will have something joyous to share. (Or not.)
2009/11/28 at 5:49 pm
Even IIII knew who this friend was here. I remember this friend’s blog post specifically! *wink*
I love to give unsolicited advice. I have learned from Mo, over the years, that sometimes a person just wants to vent and get support and not necessarily have someone try to solve all their problems for them. (Like Mo, for example!) It’s been a challenge for me at times – because I am a doer/solver by nature, but I think I’m getting much better at it! I do, however, think I pretty much do live by the advice I’d give to other people. So at least I have THAT going for myself.
2009/11/28 at 7:48 pm
I’m still learning. And still working on it.
2009/10/19 at 4:08 pm
OMG, this is me. I give unsolicited advice all the time. You don’t want to hear it? Oh sorry, but I have one more thing to say about that!
This made me giggle because I *think* I *may* know something about the incident in question here and seriously, I think your friend was fine with your advice. She probably (positively) values your input and loves the different perspective.
But then what do I know? I’m butting in here. 😉
2009/10/19 at 4:54 pm
You know who I mean? And I thought I disguised it so well… :whistle: