Life thru the haze of cat hair.

Monthly Archives: September 2009

Oh, hello! We’re having sangria tonight. Not really diet friendly, but we’re not really on the show. So? Tough noogies.

episode 1

episode 2

Where we ended:

Amanda -4 and Rebecca -6

Daniel -7 and Shay -16

Allen -10  and Abby -11

Rudy -14 and Dina -8

Antoine -8 and Sean -11

Liz -10 and Danny -12

Julio -19

Mo -9 and Tracey -10

No one went home.

Start off with Sami offering the contestants a choice. Would you rather have the trainers or an advantage at the weigh in. Choices by team. Advantage (2 pounds) goes to 1 team – whichever chooses first. Purple team took it. Well, purple chick took it. Mo is pissed!! Kinda hating purple chick right now.

B&J comes in. Purple chick is so going to throw Mo under the bus. Biznatch! B&J are pissed now too. Purple chick is crying. They are telling her what’s what. Mo is the one who loses. She’s blaming fear. She thinks it’s a big friggin joke!

Abby (green chick) has a stress fracture. She can swim. No land exercises. No weight on it. She’s crying but is determined to not give up. Gotta give her props. Another obstacle and she isn’t giving up. I can’t hate her. Bob is giving her a little pep talk and going on about nutrition. Oops. Product placement. Yogurt.

Temptation. Would you rather control your diet or control the game. Phucking purple chick wants to control the game of course. Whoever wins the challenge determines which team member controls the weigh in – only one person from each team will represent the team on the scale. Who ever eats more cupcakes, wins the challenge. Red dude ate one. Purple chick is dying to. And she’s eating. And eating. Purple chick is still eating.  She ate 4 cupcakes. Red dude ate 2. She won. I hate her. If Mo goes home because of this snatch, I’m going to be PISSED!! Jill is PISSED!!! And she has a right to be. Purple chick is taking it as a joke.

Workouts beginning. Mo is watching what everyone else is doing and copying them when they are done. Good for him. Brown dude is playing with the ginormous tire. Jillian is laughing at him.

(I’m leaving out all the references to commercials this time because, OMGoat, there are too many of them.)

They are in a field. Sami has a cowboy hat on. There is a huge incline, and 25 pound buckets, or small 5 pound buckets. They have to bring the buckets up, and get 500 pounds to win. Abby and Tracey are hurt, so they are sitting out. Their teammates are on their own and only have to do 250 pounds. Orange, Brown, Red, and Black are all doing the 25 pounds. The rest are doing 2 of 5 pounds. It’s between pink and green at this point. Green won. They have immunity. Yay, Green. Pink is in second. Brown is going to finish. Blue is on the way to finishing. Orange is finishing. Red is running up to finish. They all went over and helped Mo finish. They were showing him that he didn’t have to do it alone. Get rid of Mo’s “partner” and this cast kicks ass!!

Last chance workouts. Shay seems to be “getting” it. Cartman seems to “get” it. Blue chick is whining. Jill is yelling at her. She’s running. And made it. Bob is dogging Pink blond chick. She whined. Then did it anyway.

Oh, now Purple chick is all stressed about who to pick. It is ALL about game-play with this hag. Jillian is going off!! *snort*. Everyone is looking around like “Uh-oh! Momma’s getting mad!!”

Purple chick has totally phucked EVERYONE over this week.

Tonight’s weigh-in:

Amanda -5 and Rebecca -7 (Amanda counts) (2.08%)

Daniel -6 and Shay -6 (Shay counts) (1.35%)

Allen -4  and Abby -5 (they have immunity)

Rudy -12 and Dina -3 (Rudy counts – he’s in the 300s!) (3.00%)

Antoine -11 and Sean -6 (Sean counts) (1.46%)

Liz -4 and Danny -4 (Liz counts) (1.62%)

Julio -7 (1.87%)

Mo -1 and Tracey -11 (Tracey counts) (5.26%)

Goat bless Mo for still being a good man.

Two teams go below yellow line and one team will go home. Orange is below the yellow line. Red is below the yellow line.  Shay is losing it. She doesn’t think she will make it at home. Red dude is trying to be good. Both Red dudes are agreeing to self-sacrifice for the benefit of Orange. They are both being so amazing. Shay really appreciates this, I think. I really like how this cast seems to be really supporting each other, and they are all (except Tracey) there for the right  reasons. V v cool.

Black voted Red to go.

Green voted Red to go.

Pink voted Red to go.

Purple voted Red to go. (She’s making excuses again. Hate. Bitch makes me stabby.)

Red team – OUT. 😦

AT home update: Antoine is down 105!!! He and Alexandra are together. They seem happy and in love. Sean is down 120 pounds!! He’s running. It’s so cool. Mrs. Sean is pregnant with a little girl that they are going to name Jillian. They both look great!

Next week? Purple chick gets injured. Coincidence or karma?

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Oh, hello! Come in and have some cantaloupe. It’s really lovely.

 My intention was to write this (or similar) blog post Saturday night. However, life got in the way, so now it will be a “look back”, if you will.

As you may know, I was Slurpee Manager at the Gas ‘n Sip. For the past 2 years, an integration has been in the planning and execution so that we could merge with Pump ‘n Stuff to become one big giant gas conglomerate. The integration involved looking at every part of each company, determining who had better chip selections, who had prettier gas pumps, and who had more kick ass employees.

It became official this past weekend. The Gas ‘n Sip is no more. Pump ‘n Stuff is no more. We are now, collectively, known as Gas ‘n Stuff. We took on some of their stuff, they took on some of our stuff, and now we are all one. I’m still the Slurpee Manager.

So what’s the big deal? Part of this past weekend, all of the Slurpee staff, including the Leg Giggler and the two Co-Chief Pumpers was here, making sure that the Gas ‘n Stuff website was up and running correctly. (What? You would be amazed at the amount of Funyuns and Twizzlers we sell online. Don’t judge!)  We were here from about 10pm Saturday night until about 8:30 Sunday morning. It. Was. MISERABLE.

There was a lot of sitting, a lot of “check in” conference calls, pizza, muffins, soda. I spent a bunch of time walking to stay away, since I don’t do caffeine anymore. By 8:30, I was so tired; I honestly thought I was going to vomit. I don’t know how people stay up for 24+ hours at a time. It scares me that medical interns do it. I was hardly able to form a coherent sentence, let alone have the wherewithal to do something important. Like, diagnose a problem or deal with a medical trauma.

So, what have I learned from this? What wisdom did I glean from this experience? I learned that the Slurpee staff is better people than I am that they can stay awake for extended periods of time and not become raging bitches. (Yeah, I became a raging bitch. I’m not proud of it. But there it is.) I learned that the Slurpee staff is a group of extremely talented, extremely intelligent Intertube people who should be very proud of their abilities. I learned that while I, too, am very talented and intelligent, it is a different kind of intelligence that doesn’t really fit with this group. I spent a lot of time feeling completely out of my element; more like I was creating MORE work than completing any. I learned that I need to get serious about finding another home – hopefully within the Gas ‘n Stuff family, but outside of it, if necessary. And I learned that while becoming Gas ‘n Stuff is exciting and may present new opportunities, I will miss the simplicity of the Gas ‘n Sip. I will miss the relative smallness of it. The fewer chip choices. The plainer pumps. After 5 years, it seems like it will be Business As Usual, but it’s still a fairly significant change. And I think I am sad about it.

But, onward now. Look to the future. The change has happened and won’t un-happen. Get on board, or go elsewhere. I have new Slurpee cups to unpack.


Oh, hello!  Come on in and have some jello.

Episode 1

So, the results from last week:

Orange team: Daniel -12 and Shay -17 (they have immunity)

Green team: Allen -19 and Abby -15 (WOW!)

Pink team: Amanda -6  and Rebecca -18

Blue team: Rudy -28 and Dina -8

Red team: Antoine -18 and Sean -22 (reminds me of Cartman)  (WOW!)

Brown team: Liz -10 and Danny -24

Black team: Alexandra -13 and Julio -13 (Alexandra went home)

Purple team: Mo -19 and Tracey – TBD (GO MO!)

So before I get started, the K2Kid and I were talking today, and have decided that some changes would be nice. What if, since they insist on making the show 2 hours every week, they spent a good amount of time and showed us what they eat. Like for a typical day? You know – teach us something. Since they keep telling us about the obesity problem, how about less of Jillian screeching at the players. We get it, she’s tough. She yells. She makes people cry. Move on.

Also, the K2Kid came up with that it should be “Lowest Percentage Lost, and you’re out”. None of the “teams” or voting out. This isn’t survivor. It’s about changing your life. Losing weight. Reclaiming yourself. She’s a smart one, that K2Kid.

Okay. Enough of that. Hang on….. Okay. I had to climb down from the soap box. Whew. It’s really high up there.

******************

On to tonight’s haps: (yeah, and I still don’t know names, so whatever. Bear with me.)

The previews showed that if collectively the fatties don’t lose 150 pounds, 2 will be going home. Let’s see how that plays out.

OOOOOOOOOOO, they’re all talking smack about Julio staying there.  Sami told them all after they booted Alexandra home about the 150 pound challenge. Brown dude looks stunned.  Way to throw in that twist Sami!

Julio is sucking up. Mo giving them a pep talk on how to do the 150. (LOVE him!) Daniel is now giving them his wisdom.  Red dude looks like he’s eating.

First workout. B&J start with the pep talk, and the fatties tell them about the 150 deal. J says it can’t be done and they should just pick 2 to go home now. Way to motivate, you snatch. Bob takes half to work out, Jill takes half to talk about eating. Calories in v. calories out. Get more out before exercising. Bob is doing circuits with the fatties.

Brown dude is crying. 11 minutes in. He’s also a sweaty pig. Bob’s dogging him. Hee.

And commercials….

We’re back. Dina (blue chick) is whining at Bob already. She thinks he’s whacked.  Blue dude is encouraging her. Brown team is with Jill to make lunch. Probably a product placement. YEP! Ziploc.  (I wonder if they feel as stupid doing these product placements as they look?)

Meanwhile, at the hospital. Mo is going to see Tracey. (Flashback to her on the beach. Yes, I’m giggling. Don’t judge me.) She’s still in the hospital bed. Mo has got to be the sweetest man. EVAH!! She thinks she’ll be back tomorrow.

Shay is bitching about Julio. Again. Shaddup. Orange team still working out. Julio still not. Okay, he’s on the stair climb thing. At a rate of about one flight of stairs. Per day. Julio = dead weight at this point. Orange chick = mouthy biznatch.

And commercials….

We’re back. Tracey walks in. They all hug, blah, blah, blah. And she’s crying. Oy. She’s weak. (Her words, not mine.) She’s chatting with Bob. She can’t work out with everyone else. Doctor won’t let her. Bob is pushing her diet. Well, actually the BL Protein Powder.  She hasn’t said yet what exactly happened.

They’re back at the CA Health and Longevity Institute again. It looks like they are in the kitchen.  The guest chef is….

And commercials….

Wait – keep a food journal. Jill said so. (As an aside… I have been doing this for the past week. Great app on the iPhone (free) that lets you log all of it. It’s keeping me honest and takes next to no time.)

Now commercials….

The guest chef is Curtis Stone. (He’s hot!!) Kitchen boot camp. 7 tips. Sami is going to quiz them. If they get 5 right, they get a 15 pound advantage at the weigh in.

1. Portion size… 3-4 ounces. (Buy the biggest loser scale!)

2. Fats and Oils.  Bake, poach, steam, grill, broil. Don’t cook any other way.

3. Don’t eat fast food salads.

4. Pasta – cut it in half by adding veggies.

5. Soda – red dude loves soda.

6. Snacking – eat protein. (Cheese.)

Oh god. They look bored. I didn’t hear a #7.  Whatev.

And commercials….

We’re back. Quiz time. I can’t possibly write the questions. Mostly because I’m glazing over.  Purple: correct; Orange: correct; Brown: correct; Pink: correct; Green: WRONG; Red: WRONG; Blue: correct. They get the 15 pound advantage. The fatties are cheering. (Shay is talking smack about Julio again. Shaddup!!!)

Commercials….  (Macy’s ad: could Mariah let her knockers hang out more??? Jeepers.)

We’re back. Hour one recap. Then a challenge. Water is involved. Rainbow flags. (A gay challenge! YAY! Just kidding.) 4 rafts, connected by balance beams. Each fattie has to get to each raft. If one falls, they all lose. The balance beams get smaller as they go. Prizes: raft 1: 5 pound advantage. Raft 2: 5 more pounds. Raft 3: Calls from home. Raft 4: 10 more pounds (and the knowledge that they all worked together.) They get “suited up” with helmets and life vests. They’re freaking. Tracey is whining. They made it to raft 1. On to raft 2. Abby is freaking.

Commercials…

We’re back. They made it to raft 2. 10 pounds so far. On to raft 3. Brown dude is crying. Red dude is crying. They made it to raft 3. They are working together well. On to raft 4. Shay is freaking out. They made it. Another 10 pounds. So they have a 35 pound advantage at weigh in.  Calls to home. Crying commencing in 3… 2… 1….

Commercials…

They’re all eating Subway. B&J come in. And crush them about losing 115 pounds total.  Not encouraging. Phuckers. B&J are strategizing. Bob is targeting Julio. Jill is hating on Julio. Last chance workout. Bob is killing Julio. Jill is killing everyone else. Julio claims he won’t be below the line again. Jill is teensy compared to Rudy.

Commercials….

Shay is crying. Bob is making her say that she deserves to be happy. She may be having a breakthrough. Moving on. They walk in to the scales. Jill is looking all biker biznatch. Bob is all Bob. Sami has a lovely red dress on. Recap of the week by Sami. They each need to lose about 7+ pounds this week. Bob crushes them again. Pink is up first.

Weigh in:

Amanda -4 and Rebecca -6 (B&J are all “told you so” – complete with head bobble, pursed lips, and finger wave)

Daniel -7 and Shay -16 (Daniel is in the 2oos.)

Allen -10  and Abby -11 (suck on that B&J!)

Rudy -14 and Dina -8 (Rudy is at 400. 42 pounds in 2 weeks.)

Antoine -8 and Sean -11 (fatties shouldn’t dance. *eek*. Oh, and red dude’s wife is having a baby girl)

Liz -10 and Danny -12 (SERIOUS moobs on this dude. And we got a close up.)

Julio -19 (suck on that Shay!)

Mo -9 and Tracey -10 (BTDub, Tracey started at 238. They weighed her at the hospital.)

They collectively lost 155 pounds. Suck on that B&J. They beat the week 2 curse. Pretty impressive, fatties. You are keeping me motivated!!!


Oh, hello! Come in for some scones and tea.

 So, clearly, I am 12 years old.

 I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that the Gas ‘n Sip is being merged with the Pump ‘n Stuff, becoming the Gas ‘n Stuff. Well, of course that means new signs.  Today, electric man is here to hook up the power to the sign, and of course the wiring is in the ceiling RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SLURPEE STATION.

 That wouldn’t be so bad – I mean whatever, it has to be done and today is an easy day so far. But when I look up and all I see is ASS CRACK. BIG UGLY HAIRY ASS CRACK. Then? I have an issue. (Let’s be honest – if the ass in front of me belonged to… say…. Christopher Meloni, Nathan Fillion, Simon Baker, Michael Weatherly, Vincent D’Onofrio…. I wouldn’t have thought twice about drooling. But this one? Think red-neck meets beer gut. It wasn’t good…)

 And why am I 12? Because of course, when this hideous apparition appears in front of me? I giggle. And try to take a picture that I can Tweet. And ask for hazard pay.

 I’m so immature.


Oh, hello! Come in and have a Caramelized Apple Tart* and some coffee.

My rant today is about the media. And all the time that is wasted on stupid stuff.

Do any of us REALLY care about Jon and Kate? About her new stupid hair-do? About his girlfriend? What about Misha Barton having a meltdown? Or how much the First Lady’s sneakers cost?

I freely admit that I look at the headlines on the tabloids. I even buy a People magazine on occasion. (I used to subscribe, but thought it was a waste of money for something that could be read in about 10 minutes.) I am not “above” reading about celebrity crap.

But OMGoat! Enough! Give us the “big” stories – who is getting married/divorced, who had a baby, who died. I don’t need to know about every time Kate Hudson goes to a baseball game. Or Lindsey Lohan goes shopping. Or Matthew McConahay goes running. There has to be something more important going on in the world than the fact that Kanye pulled another assholish move and dissed Taylor Swift. Let me think… OH! that’s right! There’s a friggin war in Afghanistan (among other places) and we (Americans, among other countries) have troops (sons, daughters, husbands, wives, parents) there.

And as far as the President goes? The complaining about him screwing up the country started BEFORE he even took office. Really? Can the complainers see into the future?? And where can I buy that skill? Like him or hate him, agree with him or don’t, but Judas H. Priest! Give the guy a fair chance to phuck everything up before you burn him in effigy! I would expect that of ANY president, regardless of the political party to which they belong. And to sit and analyze EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES – mostly on the stuff not “Oh, by the way, I’m running the country” related, is childish and petty. Analyze the big decisions. Call your Congress and Senate representatives about that stuff. Don’t bitch because the First Family is wealthy and Mrs. Obama can afford, and chooses to wear, $500 sneakers. I may think it’s stupid to pay that much too, but if she has the money and wants them? LET HER.

Jesus Christ. Move on. Let’s get out of the weeds and focus on the big issues. There are plenty of wonderful charities doing great works all over the planet. Find out more about them. Read to the elderly. Teach someone to read. Go for a walk. But, please. Just stop with the inane blathering of all things inconsequential. There’s too much noise in the world already. Maybe we can help quiet it.

 

 

*Recipe for tarts:

Ingredients:

2 boxes pre-cut pastry shells  

 

1 box no bake cheesecake  

 

1 cup dark brown sugar  

 

1/2 cup butter  

 

4-5 apples, thinly sliced  

 

3 tablespoons heavy whipping cream  

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

How to Prepare:
If using pastry sheets, lay out and cut into 4” circles. Lay pastry circles on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 18 minutes, until lightly browned. Let cool then cut in half horizontally. Prepare cheesecake mix as listed on box and set aside. Melt butter with sugar in sauce pan on med-low heat. Add half of the apples to sugar mixture and cook for approx 8-10 minutes, until apples are tender. Remove apples and set aside. Repeat with remaining apples. Save 1/3 cup sugar mixture and discard remaining. Heat the 1/3 cup sugar mixture with cream on low heat for approx 3 minutes. Let cool.

Take one pastry shell (half), layer on cheesecake, add 3-4 apple slices, then drizzle with caramel.

Prep Time: 10 minutes 
Cook Time: 20 minutes 

Oh, hello! We’re having tea and bagels this morning. Help yourself.

I do love me some makeover shows. I loved What Not To Wear (WNTW) on the BBC. Trinny and Susannah picked apart the wardrobes of frumpy, schlumpy women and made them FABULOUS! And unlike American telly, they got to say things like “You have really great tits!”

There was a show on TLC (I think) called 10 Years Younger that was fun. (It might still be on, but something shiny went by and I haven’t watched it in forever, so who knows.) They took someone, put them in a sound-proof box. Then random passers-by critiqued them and what was “wrong” with their look/style and said how old they looked. After new clothes, new hair/makeup, and a pep talk, they went back in the box and went thru the same process. The difference was 10 years younger. (Imagine the editing that went into that!)

Then TLC brought WNTW to America. They made it an hour show, instead of the 30 minutes that BBC had. The first season (maybe 2?) they had Stacey and Wayne. Remember Wayne? The Fabio-wannabe with the long hair who thought he was all that, and a bag of chips, plus tax? Yeah, not so much. He was replaced by Clinton – a tall, thin, fabulous partner. They (S&C) make over women (they used to do guys too, but not any more) and are very respectful of the “big” girls – “It’s not about what size you are”, etc. blah blah blah. (Oh, of course it is. That’s what we do here in this country. But I digress). I still watch them and enjoy seeing the transformations. They finally replaced the hair guy (thank goat!) and now if they would replace the annoying makeup chick (not everybody wants a phucking smoky eye, you whore. And put on a top that fits, while you are at it!) the show would be great.

Well, now we have the best of both worlds. Trinny and Susannah have come to America!! I absolutely LOVE these two. Why? Because, while like C&S, they are respectful of “women of size”, they don’t gloss over it. They confront it and celebrate the “flaws” – regardless of the size of the woman. They also aren’t afraid of pointing out their own “flaws”. It’s definitely more like your best girlfriends telling you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear. AND! they take their “victim” to a store in their own town. IMO, this is the best part. They show the makeover person how to shop in their own environment with what they have available to them on a regular basis.

C&S fly the makeover person to NYC to shop. That is great and exciting and glamorous, but it’s not realistic for women who live in North Dakota, or Ohio, or wherever, who don’t have access to the ritzy-titzy stores of Manhattan.

Anyhoo. Today’s blog was brought about because I was trying to celebrate my gut, and I thought about how awesome it would be to have Trinny and Susannah come here and do a makeover on me. Here is their website, in case you want to find out more about them.


Oh, hello! Come in and have a sugar-free popsicle, and we’ll watch episode one together.

A new season of TBL starts tonight. I can’t wait. The transformations are usually phenomenal, even though, by the end of the season, the remaining contestants make me stabby.

This season is being called “The Season of Second Chances”.

The contestants:

Abby: 35 yo teacher; her “second chance” is that she lost her husband and 2 kids in a fatal car accident (SAD!!), and wants to get back to life. Horrible, horrible story. Really.  She’s 5’4″. Starting weight: 247 pounds.

Alexandra: 20 yo college student; 5’8″. Second chance at a future – living a normal college life. Cannot currently fit into the classroom seats. Starting weight: 309 pounds

Allen: 44 yo fireman. 5’11”. Second chance: success as a fireman. His weight currently puts others in his unit at risk. Starting weight: 325 pounds.

Amanda: 19 yo Patient Care Tech. 5’6″. Second chance: “to really start living in her 20s”. (WTH?) She is the one selected at the finale of last season. Starting weight: 250 pounds.

Antoine: 23 yo Health Insurance Agent. 6’0″. (health insurance? heh.) Second chance: his father died at age 30, and he feels he may too. Starting weight: 367 pounds.

Daniel: 20 yo student. 5’8″. Second chance: he was on last season with the dick-head partner who didn’t do much. I liked him last season, and wanted him to succeed, but honestly, I don’t know how I feel about him having another go on this show. I think it irritates me that he comes back, when there are so many others in this country who would love the opportunity. He’s already lost 142 pounds at home, so he clearly has a handle on it. We’ll see if he can change my mind. Starting weight: 312 pounds.

Danny: 39 yo land surveyor/musician. 5’11”. Second chance: he previously lost weight and gained it back. His family wants him to be more healthy. Rock star at 17. Starting weight: 430 pounds.

Dina: 28 yo custodian. 5’5″. Second chance: gained weight while pregnant with her son. Her doctor said her weight is preventing her from getting pregnant again. Starting weight: 253 pounds.

Julio: 40 yo mortgage loan officer. 6’0″. Second chance: To help him with his job and to be an example for his wife and kids. Starting weight: 407 pounds.

Liz: 47 yo salesperson. 5’7″. Second chance: to have energy to play with the 9 grandkids and to be healthier for her husband who had bypass surgery. Starting weight: 267 pounds.

Mo: 56 yo youth mentor. 6’2″. Second chance: to be a role model for the kids he mentors and to prove that you can do anything you set your mind to. (oops, my participle is dangling… *blush*). Starting weight: 355 pounds.

Rebecca: 25 yo student/nanny. 5’6″. Second chance: previously lost weight and gained it again. Has been called fat all of her life. 235 by 14. (Yikes!) Starting weight:   279 pounds.

Rudy: 34 yo engineer. 6’4″. (Big ‘un!) Second chance: to be healthy for his kids and to be around to walk his daughters down the aisle. Starting weight: 442 pounds.

Sean: 29 yo youth pastor. 6’2″. Second chance: he is also a musician and losing weight will help him to succeed in that. 2 kids and one on the way. Starting weight: 444 pounds.

Shay: 30 yo social worker. 5’8″. Second chance: to be a better role model for her clients and help motivate them. Also, she grew up in foster care, while her homeless mother lost her battle with a heroine addiction.  Starting weight: 476 pounds. (making her the single largest contestant, man or woman, to ever be on the show.)

Tracey: 37 yo homemaker. 5’2″. Second chance: gained a lot of pregnancy weight (4 kids! UGH!) and wants to be able to run with her Marine husband. Starting weight: (TBD – She’s still at the hospital.)  (She gets helicoptered out for medical attention.)

Of course, Jillian and Bob are back. They are co-training this season. I’m not sure what that means. We’ll find out.  And Ali is the host.  Let the fun begin!

Ali greets them and gives them a challenge. They have to run a mile. The winner gets Immunity at this weeks weigh in. And pick a partner for the rest of the season. Both have immunity. Fatties are not happy. She stops them before they start so that Daniel can arrive.  (Pause for 42 commercials). We’re back. Most are walking. Tracey “sprinted” up the hill. Then couldn’t run down the hill. Shay is last so far. Lots of encouraging each other so far. Daniel won. 14:20 for a mile. Not bad. Tracey is down. Mo is uber sweating and with the doctors. Shay is down. And she’s up. Tracey is still down. Medic is with her. Everyone is helping her. Carrying her. And she’s down again. (It’s really bad, but I’m giggling.) She can’t keep her eyes open. She on the table. Medics are everywhere. Just called the med-evac. Aaaaaand, she’s off to the hospital. (Pause for 37 commercials.)

We’re back. Tracey and Mo are still at the hospital, but still fine. They are picking partners now. Wait, 1 hour of bonding before partnering. Lots of tears. Lots of sad stories.

Partners are:

Daniel and Shay – orange team

Allen and Abby – green team

Amanda and Rebecca – pink team

Rudy and Dina – blue team

Antoine and Sean – red team

Liz and Danny – brown team

Alexandra and Julio – black team

Mo and Shay – purple team

Weigh ins! And enter Bob and Jillian. Jillian is already bitchy. Lots of tears. Lots of shots of Bob and Jillian looking astounded.  More people over 400 pounds than any other season. Bob is horrified at the size of Shay. (*snort*).

Workouts! They all have body bugs. (I’ve checked – $275). Jillian is already yelling. Lots of sweat. Lots of flashed of gut. (EEK!). Tears. Oh, god. There are a lot of moobs this season. And WE HAVE PUKING!!! (ftw)

The trainers are cussing up a storm. “Make a choice. If you don’t choose to change, no one can help you.” From Jillian. Not bad.

Shay just wussed out of the work out. Probably not the best idea when Jillian is screeching at you during your first work out.

(42 more commercials. And a recap of the first hour.)

Back to Shay. Sobbing. B&J are ignoring her trying to get her to come back. She manned up, and went back in. And J is back in her face.

Mo is back. He was dehydrated, low blood sugar and low blood pressure. Red guy (Sean, I think) gave him the purple shirt and told him that Tracey is his partner and still in the hospital.

Trip to the doctor. Dr. H greets them and scares the crap out of them with medical stuff. CA Health and Longevity Institute for more tests. MRIs and X-Rays and blood tests and on and on. Again, scaring the crap out of the fatties. What diseases they have, their actual age versus their medical age. OMG. More tears. Followed by 57 more commercials.

Last chance workout, BITCH! Screaming, puking, sweating, grunting, pain, drama, falling. Julio smooched Jillian for dogging him. Hee. Bob: this group has a lot of emotional baggage. Ya think??  Waiting for Alexandra to belt J in the head with the weights.

Weigh in: (Oh, wait. More commercials.)

(I’m going to show amount of weight lost this week.)

Daniel -12 and Shay -17 (they have immunity)

Allen -19 and Abby -15 (WOW!)

Amanda -6  and Rebecca -18

Rudy -28 and Dina -8

Antoine -18 and Sean -22 (reminds me of Cartman)  (WOW!)

Liz -10 and Danny -24

Alexandra -13 and Julio -13

Mo -19 and Shay – TBD (GO MO!)

There is a whole lot of BAD makeup going on this season. Oy! So far, I love Coach Mo. (GO MO!!)  I hate Alexandra. Not loving Daniel right now. He’s cocky – like “I’ve done this before, you should listen to me”. I like the brown team. I like the green team. Not loving pink. Jury is still out on the rest.

Black team is below the yellow line. Alexandra and Julio. Alexandra is going home by a vote of 4-3!! Thank goat. Bitch is out of there. Transformation moment: lost 60 pounds at home. She looks pretty good. The makeup is still criminal. She wants to be at 180 by finale.