Oh, hello! Come on in. Coffee is on, and cereal is on the counter.
Yesterday, I complained about being in a snit, for which I didn’t know the cause. I think I may have figured it out.
Every time there is some huge tragedy in the world – the tsunami, Katrina, the earthquake – I start thinking about how small my personal world is, and how significant I feel in it. The fact that I have no power in one half of my house since Saturday (I know, how random, right??) really seems so stupid to worry about. Coming into the Gas ‘n Sip everyday to do these *really* important projects that will enable our customers to see a particular shade of green consistently across all the pages of the website seems so trivial.
I don’t typically watch the news (I think I may have mentioned this before) because it depresses me. So much killing and violence and hatred and sadness in the world. I am definitely one who absorbs others’ problems thinking I can help. (Excuse me while I walk on water for a minute…)
I’m back… >_<
Anyhoo, Haiti. I think this is the source of my latest snit. I have watched an inordinate (for me) amount of coverage of this horrible tragedy, and it breaks my heart over and over. These people who are being rescued, now 2 weeks later, are so strong and brave. But what do they have now? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s wonderful that people are donating money, clothing, first aid, food, but they have lost everything. The poor children, who are now orphans, can’t even be adopted now because of all the human traffickers who want to cause harm. So sad.
I look at this story, and I look at my life, and I think – This is it? This is what I’m contributing to the world? Consistent green coloring? And so the snit takes hold. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what I could do if I were able to go to Haiti to help. My life really is sheltered and I’m sure I would freak out at the loss and the poverty. And really, working at the Gas ‘n Sip hasn’t prepared me for any kind of life saving, aid giving work. But there has to be something more. There has to be.
I know I could volunteer in my community and help that way; starting locally is a good first step. Of course, then I would have to face my laziness. Then seeing the need so close to home and how they need so much and I’m complaining about having too many clothes. Oy. It really is a vicious circle. I really do drive myself crazy.
So, I just have to turn off the news again, and let my feathers get settled a little, and this snit will be history. Until the next tragedy.
But in the meantime, I can look for ways to “give back” close to home. Maybe that will mitigate the next one.
Oh, hello! Come in. Have a scone and some tea.
I’ve been in a snit lately. Normally, I can get behind a snit and ride it out with great joy. But this one is different in that I can’t figure out the cause of it. I just feel…. off. It’s not depression this time because my happy pills seem to be working.
I just am irritated at… everything. Stupid things. Inconsequential things. Inanimate things. People. My phone. I think I first noticed it on Saturday. It’s now Tuesday and this snit, which I’ve named Jean-Pierre, is showing no signs of leaving. I don’t normally name my snits, but since this one has been around so long, I felt it was only fair to name it.
Jean-Pierre has caused me to snap at Herb, snap at my parents, bristle at coworkers, want to punch the copy machine (Related: OW!), and on and on.
(Unrelated: I’m listening to BBC America and having a hard time hearing since the host and both guests are ALL TALKING AT THE SAME TIME!!! GAH! Jean-Pierre is loving this!)
If I had even a slight clue about what brought Jean-Pierre to my yard (not a milkshake, that’s for sure…. MMMM, milkshake.), then maybe I could come up with a plan to get him to go away!! I don’t want to shop. I don’t want to drink. I don’t want chocolate. (Oh, who am I kidding! Of course I do!) I don’t even want to sleep.
I hope I get over this soon. J-P has worn out his welcome and this psychological un-balance is draining. I enjoy my company so much more when I’m funny and snarky and happy.
Oh, hello! Have some whole wheat pasta. I just made it.
I’m so jealous of people who write or blog and seem to always have something to say. It might be something funny or poignant or serious or sad, but they write. They write sometimes every day.
Me? I have every intention to post something here every day. But then, my mind goes blank. Or I come up with some whipped up rant about, say, commercial radio, but then I start to write something and find myself extraordinarily boring. Maybe I listen to the voices in my head too much.
Even with this post, I’ve had at least 2 other “brilliant” ideas for posts, but right after I start them? Poof. Gone. And those ideas are replaced with blank spaces and the voices that tell me “Nah, don’t write that! That’s just dumb.” So I don’t. I would love to kill the little voices that hound me all the time. They tell me all kinds of things: I’m great. I’m not good enough. I am fat. I am proud of myself for working out. I want cake. I don’t want cake. And on and on and on.
Is it possible to control those voices? To change the constant flow of blather from negative to positive? To quiet them? Even for just a little while?
So, here’s another lame post. I’m sorry for it. I’d say the next one will be better, but I can’t make any promises.
Oh, hello! Have some trail mix. Sorry, I haven’t been shopping in a while.
Well, so much for posting more, huh? Honestly, though, even as scarce as I have been lately, I still manage to post more frequently than others…. just sayin…
And so, another year is drawing to a close. Was it everything you hoped it would be? Did you stick with your New Year’s resolutions longer than it took you to write them down? Was it full of good, joy, and happiness? Or were you challenged with sadness, loss, and grief?
I know people who fit any, all, and none of those classifications. I hope your year, as you sit and reflect nurse your hangover on January 1st, finds that you are in a better place than you were one year ago.
My year was relatively stable. Of course I had the usual intentions of ending the year thinner, happier, richer, and more in love than I started it. The one intention that I did manage to keep, and it is not difficult, is to read a greater number of books this year than last. I have managed to do that for several years now, and will continue to do so.
This year’s NYE plans are the same as last year’s. I’ll be at a hockey game, then home before all the drunk, crazy people get behind the wheels of their vehicles and attempt to kill people drive home to the next bar. I’m all for having a cocktail and having fun, but when your “fun” impedes my ability to be safe? Then, you suck.
Another of my intentions for the upcoming year is to rid my home of everything that I don’t absolutely love. If I haven’t used it, worn it, looked at it, thought about it, or needed it in the past 12 months, I will be either donating it or trying to sell it on eBay. (If it doesn’t sell on eBay, it will be going into the donate pile.) I’m sick of moving “things” from one room to another. I’m clearing the decks, so to speak.
As far as the requisite “get thinner/healthier” intention goes, I’m sure there will be some form of that on my list. But that goes hand-in-hand with my learning to accept who I am over what I look like intention, so I think “Get healthier” will encompass mind, body, and soul. I’ll still be me, just an improved version of me.
So, what will your goals/intentions/resolutions be for 2010? Are you sticking with the traditional ones? Or are you going to stretch your boundaries a little and do something new?
Oh, hello! Come over here and get yourself some Christmas cookies. I haven’t been around for so long and now you all look a little peckish.
So, where have I been? I’m glad you asked.
After a heart-hurting post about Madame X, I needed a break. I couldn’t face writing some blather that meant nothing to me or to anyone else. I had had such high hopes to complete NaBloPoMo AND NaNoWriMo, but ended up not finishing either. I did cheer others on to success, albeit from my sofa, while in the fetal position.
I learned that I missed you all. (*heh* I say “you all” like there are millions of you who actually read this dreck). I thought about writing something, but just couldn’t do it. K2Kid none-too-subtly asked me if I had given up blogging altogether. (*waves* at K2Kid while also giving *stinkeye* and thanking her for the kick in the rear.)
So here I am. What’s new? Let’s see:
1. I am no longer under the Leg Jiggler’s domain. He has been reallocated to a different group, as have I. Hoorah!! He is still here, in the next cell, but the dynamic has changed. I now report to someone up in Canadia. Yep, that’s right, everyone’s favorite Gas ‘n Sip keeps getting bigger! Now you can call us the Gas ‘n Sip, Eh?
2. Out of the blue, my friends at MegandAli.com gifted me a hat to say thank you for “reviewing” them. I was so surprised, even though I secretly know that Mr. Meg (aka Frank) wants me to do some free advertising for them. But that’s okay. I really do like their stuff, and if my wearing a hat helps them to be successful, I’m happy to do that. The hat itself? A basic baseball cap, soft, with their familiar peace sign on the front. I wore it on one of my trips to Canadia, in fact. It was comfy and didn’t end up causing my head to itch like so many other hats can. Mr. Meg told me they have to update the site, but check out the hats if you get a chance.
3. I am not sure I have ever mentioned this before, but I hate, *hate*, the holidays. Hate. I wish I didn’t, but I honestly don’t remember a truly happy one. People get SO stressed, and SO ugly, and SO cranky at this time of year. There is pressure to have a *perfect* tree/house/outfit/family/dog/iguana, and it becomes just another chore. Plus, the fact that the stores start with the Christmas-related crap as early as July or August. Really? I would love nothing more than to make it just another day, with a pleasant family meal, where we get together and have fun with a game or something. No pressure. No “jeez, did I get everyone the “right” gift?” No “have I sent out the cards?” ENOUGH! Enough of the commercialism. I mean, really. Hey, stores: if you can “mark stuff down” by some percentage for “holiday sales”, chances are IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!!! (I have to stop my rant here. My sinus pressure is killing me, and this rant and thinking about the holidays is giving me a headache. I’ll revisit the topic when I feel better. Maybe.)
4. I had myself another Madame X breakdown last night. I’m not sure where that came from because, as far as I know, nothing has changed about her condition. But, there I was anyway, in a pile on my bed, sobbing, nearly suffocating, and thinking about how much my life will be “less” without her there. Today, I am exhausted with very pretty, puffy, tired eyes trying to look at it from the perspective of how much better my life has been because she has been in it, and what a joy it has been to have her there, and with complete comfort that she will be looking out for me once the inevitable happens. Someone please keep reminding me of that.
5. The Biggest Loser. Yeah, I didn’t do my recap of the last 2 shows. A few reasons for that: 1. my meltdown; 2. no one read them; 3. I didn’t feel like it. A new season starts January 5, and I’ll be watching it. Without my computer.
I guess that’s it for now. I feel like I am starting this blog thing over from scratch. Baby steps. But I will try to not leave again for so long. I really did miss you.
Oh, hello. Come in and have a glass of port. It’s delightful.
I’m on vacation. Again. I know, right? It seems like I was just on vacation.
Now that the Gas ‘n Stuff is doing PTO, I get the equivalent of 7 weeks off. If we went back to regular vacation time, I would have 4 weeks vacation, 5 sick days, and 10 paid holidays. Same thing. But now I don’t have to take the day off for the random paid holidays like Columbus Day, or Flag Day, or Arbor Day. (Okay, so I didn’t ever really get those last 2 off, but you get my point.) I mean, I understand why we have a Veterans Day, or a Presidents Day or a MLK Day. But short of having any real celebrations, those are just a day to sleep in and do nothing. I would rather do that when I choose, not when someone tells me to.
I didn’t know if I would like this whole PTO thing, but I’ll be honest. It’s pretty good. When I choose to go into work on the “holiday”, usually no one else is there, so it’s kind of like a day off anyway! Win/win.
So what did I do today? I slept in, and snuggled with the twins. Then I read some of my book. Then I napped. (Reading is hard, yo!) Then I took the screen out of my front door and put in the storm glass. It’s officially winter when I do that. (Well, that and the fact that it’s friggin’ dark at 4:30.) Tomorrow, I’ll probably do more of the same.Well, that, and I need to go vote. Big question on the ballot this year is whether or not to repeal gay marriage in the state. Fingers crossed for that one. (And no, I’m not going to tell you which way I’m voting. Again. I’m pretty sure I made that clear before.)
Anyhoo. There really is no point to this post. Other than I get to tell you that I am on vacation. And to avoid humiliating myself further with NaNoWriMo and the fact that I wrote NOTHING towards that today. (Another chance for me to make myself feel like a failure. Good times.)
PS: I just stood up and my foot is asleep. I hate that. Now it’s going to be up all night!
Oh, hello! Just getting the makings together for tacos. They will be up soon.
Yesterday? Sucked ass. Today? Much better.
I have been looking online for new tattoo ideas. I know I shouldn’t be, because I used to have one on my ankle and spent many, many, many dollars trying to get it removed. All it left me with is a 3rd degree burn scar, and some blue ink patches. It’s really pretty in the summer when the weather gets warm, and my scar gets angry and weepy and purple. Remind me to post pictures of it the next time it happens. Good times.
Two years ago at girl camp, I got a new tat. It’s a very proper kitten on my right back/hip. Not in the tramp stamp spot though. She’s very pretty- with green eyes, and pink in her ears. She looks like my twins, too, with the white “blouse” on.
And now I want to get another one. Every time I watch LA Ink, I want to get one. I’m thinking of some sort of Celtic Cross, with a Claddagh, and a word in Gaelic under it, but I can’t find the perfect design, and I don’t know how big, or where. I did see a really pretty one of a Claddagh across the instep, but OMGoat that must have hurt!!
I’ll keep looking. Maybe by the time girl camp rolls around again in April, I will have the right design (and the money) to get it.