Oh, hello. Sorry about bitching, but there are just some things that bug me.
1. Bad grammar. Unless English is your second language, there is no reason to sound ignorant. If you only speak one language, perhaps you should LEARN TO SPEAK IT CORRECTLY!!!!
2. “Nother” IS NOT A WORD! Saying “That’s a whole nother matter”makes you sound like a moron.
3. “Have a good one”. Really? A good what? Orgasm? Bowel movement? Day in prison? Why don’t people say “Have a good day” anymore???? Day has the same number of letters. Same number of syllables. Have a good one just sounds lazy and slacker-like.
4. People on TV NEVER EAT a real meal. The women take these dorky little bites and mimic chewing like they are eating a burger in one bite. It’s annoying. I understand that they have lines to say, but it’s just stupid.
5. Restaurant food, as shown on TV, is never as appetizing when you go to the actual restaurant. It’s usually smaller and just thrown together.
6. People who insist on talking to you but never let you contribute to the conversation. Um, don’t ask me a question or try to engage me in conversation if I’m just expected to sit and listen and nod and look pretty. When I have a conversation, I like it to be 2 way. I may have something important to say – let me try.
okay. that’s enough complaining for today. tomorrow will be a whole nother story though. heheheh
Oh, hello. Let me introduce you…
Seamus and Maggie. The Mag and Moo of the Blog name.
I adopted the twins from the shelter almost 4 years ago. They are from the same litter, brother and sister, and they will be 4 in August. They are tuxedo cats, always ready for a party. But mine have black noses. Most have pink noses.
Seamus, aka Shamu, Mucifer, the Destructor, is a fiesty little boy who loves to pick on his sister and snuggle with his momma. He acts all tough, but he is just a softy.
Maggie, aka Magpie, Maggie Mae, Sweetface, is a sweet little princess who is a total girly girl. Very dainty but she can totally hold her own against her brother.
How to irritate a cat:
- Shake the treat bag, and don’t give them one.
- let him get all comfy on your lap, just fall asleep, then start coughing.
- shake the cat nip tub, and don’t give them any.
- walk into the bathroom and DON’T turn on the water – because they are that spoiled and like to drink the fresh running water from the tap, rather than the fresh water in their bowl.
- sit in the spinny office chair, and when they walk by with their tail up, hold the tail and spin.
- wedge your feet under their bathrobe at the end of the bed to warm them, yet make their “bed” less comfortable.
I know many people are either dog people or cat people. I love either, but my house is too small for a dog, and my babies keep me company. They are sweet and friendly and loving, and I’m glad they are in my life.
If you are going to get a pet, consider adopting one from a shelter. It isn’t a “designer” pet, but they are pets who will love you, and will thank you for bringing them home.
Oh, hello. C’mere, I have a question for you.
Has this ever happened to you?
It’s a little chilly out so you have the windows closed. You need to take a shower.
You’re in the shower, doing your thing. Shampoo, shampoo, shampoo, lather, lather, lather. You know the shower is hot, but you ignore the steam. (BTW, you live alone so the bathroom door is open.)
Anyhoo. You’re just about to rinse and the steam sets off the smoke detector, located right outside the bathroom door. (Convenient, no?) Awwww, crap.
The cats, who are waiting patiently for you to finish so they can rub up against your legs and add hair to them, FREAK OUT! Tails puff, claws scrabble, fur flies.
You reach out from behind the curtain and try to open the window. You have soap running down your face, you grab the curtain to steady yourself, and WHOOSH! It comes down off the wall. MOTHER F@*#^@*(!
Okay, so you drop the curtain, and manage to get the window open to let the steam out. The cats are no where to be found. The smoke detector is still screeching, and the shampoo is now down to your shoulders. You grab a towel and start waving it frantically under the detector to get the screech to stop, water pooling at your feet.
The noise finally stops. You turn around, and see the shower water flowing nicely from the nozzle onto the bathroom floor. You now have shampoo in your eyes, burning. You have to get the shower curtain back up long enough to rinse and to stop the waterfall. You balance the curtain precariously on the edges of the shower and finish your toilette, only to step out and find the cats playing in the puddles. ::sigh::
So, no? This never happened to you? Just me? Huh…
Oh, hello. Good to see you again. The tea is ready, so feel free to sit and chat.
Okay, I have a confession to make. I am living my life in this world as an over-weight woman. I recognize that American’s are the fattest people in the world, but unless you yourself are over-weight you have no idea what it’s like.
I am not blaming my weight on thyroid or some other medical issue. I take full responsibility for being the weight I am. But that doesn’t make the looks, the judgements, and the lack of retail choices any easier.
When I graduated from High School, I weight 120 pounds. I’m 5’6″. I was a competitive swimmer and I was very active. College brought on an additional 25 pounds, which still looked okay (and was likely due to the amount of drinking I did.).
However, after college, there was a period of, shall we say, frequent dating. Again, I take responsibility for my own actions, but I also recognize this was the beginning of the decline of my self-esteem. As the esteem declined, the eating increased. A series of rejections made it worse. I think the final straw in my complete close down was the evening when I was speaking to my on-again, off-again fella, told him I loved him, and he responded with “Fuck off”. Subconsciously, I think I decided then that I would be better off alone.
I have since steadily gained weight and have not dated. Logically, I KNOW that I use my weight as a wall or shield or whatever to keep people away. People don’t like fat people. Fat people are “lazy”, “gross”, and “disgusting”. They aren’t worth getting to know and are easy targets to make fun of. Look at all the movies that mock fat people. Comedians make fat people the butt of jokes.
It also doesn’t help that there is someone in my life who brings diet, weight-loss, calorie counts, and exercise into EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION and indicates that I haven’t met and won’t meet “Mr. Wonderful” until I lose weight. The constant mental flogging is exhausting.
But, I KNOW that I won’t meet “Mr Wonderful” until I resolve within myself the fact that the men in my past were wrong for me and about me. They were young and immature. And I didn’t and don’t deserve to be treated with anything less than total respect. I have worth and have something to contribute to this world.
I know all of these things. Really. I guess my delay is that, while I know it, I don’t necessarily believe it. I don’t know how to get past that either.How do I become “normal” and have “normal” interactions with people?
Well, I know this isn’t a humorous post. And it probably didn’t bring a smile to your face. Sorry about that.
I’ll be funny next time. Maybe.
Oh, hello. I spent the majority of yesterday shopping with my mother and then at dinner with friends. Part 1, Family:
There is a big whoop-de-doo this summer for a member of the extended family, and Mum needs a dress. Mum has very specific body issues – she is convinced she is hugely overweight (not true), she’s very self-conscious about her upper arms, and she needs to make sure her knees are covered.
So, okay, I take a PTO day from the gas ‘n sip to go with her. Thank goat I planned ahead and brought little baggies with carrots and walnuts for snacks. We leave my house at 10am. I had to zip by the doctor to get an x-ray for my arm, and we ended up at Macy’s by 10:30-10:45.
I don’t know if you have been looking for dresses lately, and have gone to Macy’s for that purpose, however, if you are over the age of 23 and are bigger than a size 8, don’t bother. They do have sizes up to 16, but they are appropriate for women who are fat, frumpy and about 112. Mum found 4 or 5 dresses to try and they were all too short, or too tight in the arms, or just plain hideous.
Now, the other option was a floaty black skirt that she already owns, that she could possibly get a white blouse or white sweater to go with. Okay, we also searched Macy’s for a white blouse. She tried no less than 10 different blouse options. They all looked wrong. (Meantime, my reflection in the fitting room mirrors = rolly polly. Not good).
BTDub, on a typical day, I eat lunch around 11:30. So, by this time, I’m getting HUNGRY. I whip out the walnuts and start hoovering them down.
Final verdict: #macy’sFAIL
Next stop: Coldwater Creek. We were there for about an hour and a half. Goat blesss the sales ladies there who helped us – she tried on EVERY SINGLE WHITE TOP in that store. Ladies in the other fitting rooms started chiming in. I’m hoovering carrots by this point. I finally suggested that perhaps the skirt was the problem, and we should go back to looking for a dress. Final purchase: a tee shirt.
#coldwatercreekFAIL
Okay. now we’re both getting tired, and hungry. We stop for tea and to sit for a few. Side note: WHERE IN GOAT’S NAME do kids buy these clothes??? They all look like whores and drug dealers.
Revived, we walk back thru the mall and end up at JCPenney. I know, but sometimes they have cute things. She was just as skeptical as you. There, we find all kinds of things for her to try. She tried on no less than 15 dresses. All the time, I’m going back and forth getting different sizes, giving constructive criticism, and tryiing to breathe. Also, trying to not pass out from hunger. She ended up picking a very lovely dresss that met all her requirements. We go to pay, and IT’S HALF PRICE!!!! SCORE!!! So she ended up getting a second one too!!
#jcpenneySUCCESS
We went for Thai food for lunch AT 2:30!!!!!! I had eaten all the walnuts and all the carrots and still had the shakes and sweats from low blood sugar. Thai food rocks.
My original plan was to take a nap before meeting the girls for dinner. #napFAIL
Part 2, Friends:
Yesterday was also Girls Night International Dinner. Indian food. We went to a little hole in the wall that one could very easily walk by without seeing. We all had something different and tried each others dinner. I’m a novice at Indian food, so it was a great experience for me. Everything was yummy. And now i know some good things to order the next time.
#indiapalaceSUCCESS
Okay, I’m boring myself now. I need to end. Oh, and get a G&T refill. Let’s see… give you a smile… FAINTING GOATS!!!!
😀
Oh, hello. I thought I would give this blogging thing a try. IDK how profound any of it might be for you. But for me, it’s probably going to be BRILLIANT!! hee.
I thought this might be a good place to discuss; hash things out; vent; display my unnatural attachments to my cats (which, in all honesty, is a little embarrassing). I’ve been encouraged to do this by my friends on Twitter.
A note about Twitter. I think it is so cool that all these folks post things and you end up finding a whole community, if you will, of people JUST LIKE YOU!! I don’t have a lot of people like that in my real life. Most people around me don’t “get” me. C’mon! what’s not to get?? I’m fabulous!! hee.
Anyhoo, I’m jsut getting started. Be kind. I’ll attempt to amuse. Or at least bring a smile. Like… watch this…
PUPPIES! (you’re smiling, right?) 😀
MagAndMoo's Blog 