Oh, hello. I spent the majority of yesterday shopping with my mother and then at dinner with friends.  Part 1, Family:

There is a big whoop-de-doo this summer for a member of the extended family, and Mum needs a dress. Mum has very specific body issues – she is convinced she is hugely overweight (not true), she’s very self-conscious about her upper arms, and she needs to make sure her knees are covered.

So, okay, I take a PTO day from the gas ‘n sip to go with her. Thank goat I planned ahead and brought little baggies with carrots and walnuts for snacks.  We leave my house at 10am. I had to zip by the doctor to get an x-ray for my arm, and we ended up at Macy’s by 10:30-10:45.

I don’t know if you have been looking for dresses lately, and have gone to Macy’s for that purpose, however, if you are over the age of 23 and are bigger than a size 8, don’t bother. They do have sizes up to 16, but they are appropriate for women who are fat, frumpy and about 112. Mum found 4 or 5 dresses to try and they were all too short, or too tight in the arms, or just plain hideous.

Now, the other option was a floaty black skirt that she already owns, that she could possibly get a white blouse or white sweater to go with. Okay, we also searched Macy’s for a white blouse. She tried no less than 10 different blouse options. They all looked wrong. (Meantime, my reflection in the fitting room mirrors = rolly polly. Not good).

BTDub, on a typical day, I eat lunch around 11:30. So, by this time, I’m getting HUNGRY. I whip out the walnuts and start hoovering them down.

Final verdict: #macy’sFAIL

Next stop: Coldwater Creek. We were there for about an hour and a half. Goat blesss the sales ladies there who helped us – she tried on EVERY SINGLE WHITE TOP in that store. Ladies in the other fitting rooms started chiming in. I’m hoovering carrots by this point. I finally suggested that perhaps the skirt was the problem, and we should go back to looking for a dress. Final purchase: a tee shirt.


Okay. now we’re both getting tired, and hungry. We stop for tea and to sit for a few. Side note: WHERE IN GOAT’S NAME do kids buy these clothes??? They all look like whores and drug dealers.

Revived, we walk back thru the mall and end up at JCPenney. I know, but sometimes they have cute things. She was just as skeptical as you. There, we find all kinds of things for her to try. She tried on no less than 15 dresses. All the time, I’m going back and forth getting different sizes, giving constructive criticism, and tryiing to breathe. Also, trying to not pass out from hunger. She ended up picking a very lovely dresss that met all her requirements. We go to pay, and IT’S HALF PRICE!!!! SCORE!!! So she ended up getting a second one too!!


We went for Thai food for lunch AT 2:30!!!!!! I had eaten all the walnuts and all the carrots and still had the shakes and sweats from low blood sugar.  Thai food rocks.

My original plan was to take a nap before meeting the girls for dinner. #napFAIL

Part 2, Friends:

Yesterday was also Girls Night International Dinner. Indian food. We went to a little hole in the wall that one could very easily walk by without seeing. We all had something different and tried each others dinner. I’m a novice at Indian food, so it was a great experience for me.  Everything was yummy. And now i know some good things to order the next time.


Okay, I’m boring myself now. I need to end. Oh, and get a G&T refill. Let’s see… give you a smile… FAINTING GOATS!!!!