Oh, hello! We’re having dinner this evening – barbecue pulled pork, brown rice, steamed Brussel sprouts. Dig in!
Recently, I wrote a post about being lonely, which if I may say so was a big hit. That wasn’t why I wrote it, but I’m thankful for the praise I’ve received.
That said, my post tonight is NOT about me being lonely, but it is about me being restless. Restless in my life. Restless in my job. I feel like I would love to shake things up and move away and change jobs. But of course, if that were to happen, I would freak out and cry and not want to go. Because, as the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are. Moving away and changing jobs won’t cure my restlessness. And can I tell you why? Can I?
BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M RESTLESS!! If I knew that, I could fix it. Maybe I look around and see others making changes or maybe it’s because things at the Gas ‘n Sip are changing, and I’m either jealous or anxious or scared. (Things at the Gas ‘n Sip ARE changing. I believe they are getting rid of the Slurpee Station, so I may end up at the Nacho Bar or on the Wiener Wheel. I think I would really like the Wiener Wheel – I would totally bogart some of that melty orange cheese from the nachos for the wieners. Sales will skyrocket!! More about that at another time.)
What I think I need to do is to spend a little time trying to figure out what is bothering me. What is it that is making me fidgety? Why am I unsatisfied? What am I unsatisfied with? Oh, these huge existential philosophical conundrums with which I am dealing. Sometimes it’s hard to to be me. Wait, conundrums? Conundra? Hmmm. I think I need to go check that.
Oh, hello! We’re starting with sapphire and tonic this evening. Can I get you one?
I? Am officially on vacation!!!!!!!!!!!! For 2 weeks!!!!! The Gas ‘n Sip can suck it for the next two weeks. Then when I get back, we will be about a month away from merging with Pump ‘n Stuff and will become The Burger Mart. I found out yesterday that once that happens, I may or may not still be the slurpee manager. JMJ. Will things ever be settled??
I don’t know yet what I’m going to be doing, but there will be a HUGE amount of reading and relaxing. In fact, I think I will start now. So for the next 2 weeks? SUCK IT, GAS ‘N SIP! SUCK IT HARD!!
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh, hello! Popcorn?
Four years ago today, a poor abandoned cat gave birth to Black and White Kittens #s 1-4. That cat, Maggie (I know, right?!), was lucky enough to reside at the Animal Refuge League in Westbrook. They took very good care of Momma Maggie, while she, in turn, took very good care of Kittens 1-4.
Fast forward to 8 weeks later. I decided to go visit the shelter to see if, by chance, there were any kittens who were ready for their forever home. I knew I wanted 2 – they need to keep each other company. I knew I wanted a boy and a girl. And I knew I was going to name them Seamus and Maggie. (I love the name Seamus. And I had thought that if I ever had a son, I would have wanted to name him Seamus. But I wouldn’t have, because kids are vicious!! And I knew he would be taunted – because it wasn’t a “normal” name. Whatev.) (Also, I love the Irish names, because Mum is from Ireland.)
Anyhoo. I start looking around. There are some BEAUTIFUL older cats who need a forever home. However, I am hesitant because one can never be sure what happened to the pet at the hands of the previous owner or at the hands of other animals. And since I knew that I wanted 2 cats, I also didn’t know how 2 older pets would do with each other.
Then I get to Maggie’s cage. I told Ms. Shelter Lady that I wanted to see 2 of the kittens and that they had to be a boy and a girl. She handed me the gloves to put on, and she put my babies in my hands. I sat there while their little needle clawed destroyedmy favorite sweater. Black and White kitten #2 weighed 1.8 pounds. Black and White kitten #3 weighed 1.6 pounds. (Those were their official shelter names.) They were feisty, and teensy, and soft, and mewling like… well, like baby kittens. *heh*
Ms. Shelter Lady put them in the “holding cell” while I filled out the adoption papers. After about 45 minutes of red tape, Maggie and Seamus were on their way to their forever home. (BTDub, while I was doing the paperwork, someone totally tried to bogart my cats!! Fuckers.) Their food and water were set in place. The litter box was tucked away. The grand-people were called to come meet their new grand-cats.
They have been an endless source of fun, laughter, frustration, love, and joy. I am absolutely thrilled they are in my life. I will love them forever.
Thank you Seamus. Thank you Maggie. I love you both. Thank you for letting me give you a place to live.
Have you ever had (what you consider) a really good friend? One who you spent a huge amount of time with, laughing and having fun? But then all of a sudden, they start to pull away? You see them less and less? They call you less and less? You call them, but get voice mail more than a person? It’s sad, and it hurts, and it’s part of life. Everyone comes into and goes out of your life for a purpose. Some stay longer than others and some make more of an impact on your life than others.
So, have you ever had that happen to you? No? Me either. *snort*
Oh, hello! Tonight, it”s Sugar-Free Pecan Shortbread cookies, and club soda. The cookies are a little stale, but you don’t mind, right?
Remember when you were little? And you saw another little girl or boy who was about your age? You thought nothing of just going up to them and playing and giggling and chatting and being instant friends. There was no judgement, no ulterior motive, no guile.
Remember when you got to high school? All the cliques? One day you are BFFs with this group of girls (or boys) and the next they have “turned” on you and talk about you badly behind your back and laugh at you. There is one-ups-manship; judgement; cattiness.
Me? I am NOT GOOD at this whole making friends thing. It’s not that I don’t want friends, but I’m in a viscious circle – having friends and someone to hang out with is great, but I’m fairly private too, so opening up to people is hard for me. That tends to push people away. And it starts all over again. *sigh*
As part of my letting go of the past and not wallowing in the crap, I’m looking at why I do the things I do. I’ve had “friends” in the past who I thought I could trust. (And this was WAY past HS). And suddenly, with no explanation, I’ve been shut out. It hurts when that happens. I wracked my brain to figure out what happened, and to this day, I honestly have no idea. This has happened more than once. As a result, I have trust issues. I don’t want to have trust issues. I want to have friends.
I just still always have that back in HS feeling where there is the “cool kids” group, and I am on the outside, looking in with envy. Mostly, this is due to my crippling insecurity. What if I say something stoopid? What if they laugh? What if they talk about me after I walk away? Also? I am very shy by nature. Most people do not believe that about me at all. But, I find being social exhausting! If I make myself the center of attention, I’m okay with it. But if someone else puts the spotlight on me, I am MISERABLE!! I want to crawl under a table and hide. Then… once I am comfortable with a sitch, I’m good. My confidence level jumps from -27 to around 2.
I would love to have a handfull of friends with whom I could be completely comfortable, could tell anything to, would do anything for or would do anything for me. My friend Meffa is that to a point, but I hold myself back. I know I do it. I hate that I do it. The K2Kid is another.
So, I’m going to ask you a favor. As a way to help me get out of the past, if you are talking to me, and feel me pulling away, call me on it. Let me know I’m safe. It really doesn’t have anything to do with something you’ve done. It’s all me. I’m owning this. And I’m asking for help with it (another thing that is EXTREMELY hard for me to do.) Thank you in advance.
Baby steps, right?
Oh hello! We’re having sangria this evening. Want some?
There is a very large well-known retailer in this area who usually ramps up staff during the holidays in order to meet customer demand. Additional staff is needed in the store, on the phones, and in the warehouse – picking items from the shelves, and packing boxes to ship. It’s pretty common that if you live in this area, either you or someone in your family has worked for Great Big Retailer.
About 13 years ago, I first got a part time job with Great Big Retailer answering phones for the holiday season. Taking orders from people all over the country. I was young and thought it was fun. For the most part, people working there and people calling in were very nice. It was a friendly environment, and the employee discount kicked ass! I did the phones for 2 years. Then I got a better job, better pay, and thought it was not necessary to work a second job.
Fast forward, to 2 years ago. I decided that money was tight and Great Big Retailer was a good place to get a second job again. But this time, I was sufficiently aged and jaded about people and knew that I would have no patience with people calling in. So I asked for warehouse. I didn’t care if it was picking or packing, but then I knew I would be able to go in, do my job, and leave. It would be brainless, and for a part time job, it payed pretty well. I became a packer at the warehouse of Great Big Retailer. That year, they hired on about 100 people to pack boxes and get them out to be shipped. We had to match up bar codes with order sets and make the boxes and stick the label on. Really. Not rocket science.
Now, one thing about the 100 seasonal employees… there are a significant number of immigrants that are hired every season. Equal employment opportunities. Great! I’m all for it. However, and this is a HUGE generalization, on average, the amount of work produced by said immigrants was dramatically lower than others. Please believe that I am not a racist. There was a significant number of US citizens who didn’t produce well either. Nope, not racist. Lazist. When it comes to work, if you are lazy, you WILL irritate me. We are all paid the same, we all have the same “quota” to get out. So DO NOT make me pick up your slack.
When I say not rocket science, let me explain. Every item is sent down the shute with a bar code. You scan the code, and sort it into a slot until all items in the order are there. Then you print the packing slip, and label. The computer tells you what size box to use. And the packing tape is dispensed already cut to the right length, and wet so it sticks. Monkeys could do this job.
I did that the first year and was acknowledged for being a fast packer. (Can you say that? *heh*). Anyhoo. The money was good, so I went back last year. However, last year, there was different management and the vibe was very different. Management initially said that the agreed upon hours – 6 to 10 – were not being offered. (Since I work full time at the Gas ‘n Sip, I couldn’t start until 6 so that I had time to travel and get something to eat.) I wasn’t the only one who had the hiring agreement in hand that shows we were promised those hours. After a big hoo-hah, we were allowed to continue the season with our promised schedule.
Something else was very different last year as well. The economy SUCKED! Orders into Great Big Retailer were down about 30% from the year before. There was much time standing around. If I’m going to work a second job, and give up part of my life, KEEP ME BUSY! And then there were the changing schedule. We were expected to commit to at least 25 hours/week, and yet we were often scheduled for as little as 4. Can’t plan on second income that way. Again, I stayed until about a week before Christmas and left, again with a promise that I would be rehired this year if I wanted.
Fast forward again to last week. I got my rehire letter, called, went for an interview and was told that they had “restructured” the schedule this year. The only available hours were 2:30 to 10:30 OR 6:30 to 11:30, and the expectation was to commit to 30-40 hours a week, with the week running Sunday through Thursday, and Friday if necessary. Okay. That kinda suck, but okay. I can’t possibly do the 2:30 shift, but 6:30 is an option. Yeah, but then I can’t start until mid-NOVEMBER. NOVEMBER. Which means only 4 weeks of work. 4. 4 weeks. WTF am I going to do with that?? It’s not even worth it. So, I will not be back at the whore house this year. I will have to suck it up and either get a job in some retail store (okay, that is so not going to happen) or be good and live without overspending (*gasp*).
So why “whorehouse”? Yeah, it’s just too close to warehouse to NOT call it that. We, the packers, were either “ass packers” or “box packers” and the pickers were “nose pickers” or “ass pickers”. So I just told people I worked at the whorehouse. It made for good stories. I met some wonderful people, had some fun, and who knows. Maybe next year I can again go be a whore for Great Big Retailer.
As for this year? I’ve decided to relax, and live my life. And enjoy the hockey season that’s coming up. And not being exhausted all the time. And now that I put it that way, I wonder why the heck I ever did it in the first place.
More sangria? 🙂
Oh, hello! Come on in. Have a Guinness. A truly magical drink.
Last night, there was a debate on Twitter about the pros and cons of carrot cake. *gag* There are some who think carrot cake with it’s cloying cream cheese frosting is wonderful. There are others, like me, who think carrots and cake should not mix. “It’s all in how it’s made.” “It’s just gross.” And on and on.
This got me to thinking about my food issues. For the most part, I am a pretty adventurous eater. I’ll try something new, knowing that if I don’t care for it, I never have to eat it again. Based on that theory, I’ve tried alligator. It wasn’t bad, until I started thinking about it, and then the gag factor kicked in and I was done. I might try it again, but it’s not something that I have to go in search of.
I really like calamari. But I can only eat the rings; the tentacle bits sqweeve me out. I can’t even try it. But now sushi? LOVE it. If it wasn’t so expensive, I would eat sushi every day. Tuna, salmon, crab, eel. LOVE it.
I have two really big food issues: wet cake and bananas. *shudder*
Wet cake: tiramisu, birthday cake with ice cream on it, strawberry short cake. (seriously. *shudder*) I am pretty sure it’s a texture issue. But, ugh. I just cannot eat it. Apple sauce has a similar texture. Yick. It’s mushy and just gross. And yet, french onion soup? LOVE it. That has wet bread in it, and that doesn’t gross me out. Someone once said that it’s the cold that that makes it icky for me. Maybe so, but I don’t think I will be changing my mind anytime soon.
Bananas: there is about a 20 minute window of opportunity on bananas. Within that 20 minutes, it reaches perfect ripeness, perfect color and texture. Outside of that window, all bets are off, and it goes in the trash. The perfect banana has just stopped being green, there will be no brown spots, and it will be firm to the bite. I cannot buy bananas in a bunch. By the time I would get to it, the window of goodness would have shut. Once the banana has brown spots, it starts to get a little gushy inside, WAY too sweet, and gets that sweet banana-y stink to it. And the banana peel? That has to go in the trash in another room. The stink makes me gag.
BTDub, my brother Herb? He’ll wait to eat a banana until right before the fruit flies come out. Banana bread worthy. (I just threw up in my mouth a little). I could probably give my “old” bananas to Herb, but since I only eat bananas rarely (because I know they are good for me) and only buy them one at a time, I rarely have “old” bananas.
Now, the white-trash things that most people don’t admit to eating.
- Funyuns? Love them. They are gross, and yet yummy. Except for the fact that they rip the sh*t out of the roof of your mouth, so good!
- Vienna sausages. Admittedly, I haven’t had them for a very long time, but I used to like them. Herb and I wonder if they could be grilled. And what would happen to that weird gelatinous goo that they are packed in.
- Cheese fries. These are actually probably not white trash, but cheese fries KICK ASS!!! But the cheese has to be of the melted cheez-whiz variety for them to be really yummy. The refined shredded cheese type – while good – do not cheese fries make.
- Canned corned beef. Again – gross, yet yummy. Again, surrounded by a weird gelatinous goo.
- Cheez-whiz. So good on saltines, rice cakes, nachos, a spoon *heh*
- Ramen noodles. You can buy about 20 for a dollar, and really? Not very good in the grand scheme of things, but there is a peanut sauce in the international aisle that’s good, and if you add a little chicken and ditch the uber-sodiumized “flavoring” and it’ll do in a pinch.
I’m sure there are other white trash things that I like and other food issues I have, but I think that’s enough for now.
Okay, who wants a snack?? *snort*
Oh hello! We’re offering homemade chocolate chip cookies tonight. Have one. They’re still warm. 🙂
So random thoughts today… (*updated to tell you to stop reading. I’m boring today. Really.)
It’s Dad’s berfday today. I suck and forgot to send him a card. Rotten rotten rotten daughter!! I did call this morning but he was out, so after my last meeting today, I left early, bought him a cupcake and went to their house to hang for a while. I get there, ring the doorbell… nothing. The car is there. I know they are home. *sigh*
Walk back to the car, dig out the key to their house, let myself in, knock on the inside door… nothing. Fine. I go in, the house is quiet, the bedroom doors are closed. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (picture Snoopy from the Halloween episode. hee) Cupcake into the fridge, note saying Happy Birthday, and I head home to sprawl in front of the a/c.
They called. Mum said he was very happy with the cupcake. So that’s good. Mission accomplished.
**************
So, at the beginning of this month, I gave up coffee. 29 days in and I am still doing well without it. GO ME!!! I think I started drinking it again the last time I gave it up because I still drank decaf. This time, nothing. I’m doing okay. I know I’m definitely sleeping better – you know that heavy sleep where, when the alarm goes off, you have to sort of swim back to awakeness? (Shut up. It is too a word.) So I’ll keep up with that, and once the humidity breaks, I can start back up with tea.
**************
I have curly hair. I’m the only one in the immediate family with it. And contrary to popular sentiment, I love my curls. The sister has thin, stick straight hair. She used to get perms. It didn’t go well. Did you ever notice that on makeover shows almost always straighten the hair of their curly haired “victims”. Why is that?? Curly hair is awesome. Granted, there are people who are blessed with the curl who don’t know the correct use of goop. Hair goop is critical for good curls. And if having curly hair is so bad, why do people get perms? HA! We win.
I’ve had really short hair and really long hair and have rocked both looks. Currently it’s short-ish. The only reason I ever feel like I might like straight hair is that there are some beautiful short hair styles that I can never have. Remember the blond chick on the first Melrose Place? I loved her hair. But, given a choice, I’ll keep the curls.
**************
My friend, the K2Kid, and I started a list last year of things we wanted to do for ourselves. You know, as a way to improve our lives. We had committed to start something new every month. It could be anything – going to the gym regularly; read more; eat better; not use credit cards. That type of thing. We had a name for it, the SHIT list, where the SHIT stood for something, but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you what it was.
Anyhoo, that fell by the wayside for a while once we both got busy at work. But, we have decided to start it up again, beginning August 1. This time though, we’re going to do whatever it is we choose for 2 months at a time. Better chance that it will “stick”. Since I have already given up coffee, and shredded my credit cards, I think I am going to eliminate sweets from my diet. I’ve done that before – for about 2 1/2 years. And then I slipped back into my sugar addiction.
It’s horrible to be addicted. My addiction, however, is not alcohol or drugs. It’s sugar. If I start eating it, I can’t stop. Even as I am recognizing the horror that is my gluttony, I still sit there and eat it. It gives me headaches. Every day. Literally. I have a headache every single day. (I mock people who call in with a headache. Tuck your skirt in, take an aspirin, and get in here. I’m not interested in picking up the slack of your lazy ass.) (Migraines are a different story. Those suck and the sufferer should stay home.)
So here comes August 1 and I am going to try again. At least all of August and September, hopefully longer. Wish me luck.
***************
Have I mentioned that I am on vacation soon? 7 more business days and then I am off FOR 2 WEEKS, BITCHES!!!!! I cannot wait. I probably will stick close to home, but honestly? Any day not at work is a vacation. I really want to walk everyday. And do a big cleanout of the closets and cellar. I was reading a book about getting rid of clutter, and the author wrote something I have really been trying to live by: If it’s not an ABSOLUTE yes, it’s a no. Meaning if it is not something that you love, enhances your life, or makes you feel fabulous in some way, it’s a no and you need to get rid of it. I have tried to do that lately. For example, I LOVE purses. Love them. I’m always looking for a new one. (Although, when I found the most recent bargain at Cole Hahn – a $400 for $59 – yeah you read it right! – I’ve stuck with that one for a while and it’s been good). But anyway. Since I read that quote, I have gotten rid of all but I think 4 purses. One I use every day; a winter one for every day; a weekend one; and one to cart in contraband to hockey games. Not bad.
Okay, you know what? I’ve blathered on long enough that I’ve lost my point and I’m boring myself! This post is crap. Sorry to have wasted your time. Have another cookie.
*goes to research something interesting to say*
Oh, hello! Would you like some water? And how’s about a Klondike bar? (you just sang the song, didn’t you? *heh*)
I? am a hypocrite. I think I’ve known this for a while, but I’m just now allowing myself to acknowledge it. Oy! This inner growth stuff is exhausting! How am I a hypocrite, you ask?
So, you’ve probably seen those talk shows with the overly dramatically “interested” host who is grilling the guest in an attempt to make them cry. “What happened to you?” “Why are you doing this self-destructive behavior?” “Blah blah blah”. All the while feigning interest. And then the guest, sniveling in the corner of the squashy sofa, sobbing and says, “I had a hard childhood!” “My mother was mean to me!” “People were mean to me when I was in school!” “Blah blah some other lame-ass excuse that deflects all manner of responsibility!”
And then there is me at home, on my sofa, very likely with a sapphire and tonic, yelling at the television, “You whiny pathetic loser!!” “Take some responsibility for yourself and your actions.” “The past is over! Leave it there and move the fuck on!” “Blah blah blah you can’t change what happened so focus on you and your future and be fabulous with what you have now because whatever happened then made you who you are now, you cow!” (Yes, my rants are long winded and blathering. It works for me.)
So what does all this mean in terms of me being a hypocrite? When the hell am I going to get to the point? Hopefully, soon.
Recently, the realization slapped me in the face that I am that sniveling whiny talk show guest. I have been the one who has said that what happened to me in my teens led to what occurred in my twenties and that is why my thirties were the way they were and why I am at the place I am now. Well, guess what, Kitten? Remember the rant at the television? No? Here it is again: “Blah blah blah you can’t change what happened so focus on you and your future and be fabulous with what you have now because whatever happened then made you who you are now, you cow!” (I can be very harsh…)
I am over-weight because I made myself that way. Not my past. I did it. It’s time that I own that and move forward from this point. Being good to myself, as good to myself as I am to others, needs to be a priority. I have wallowed in my past for far too long. It’s boring. I’m sick of it.
It’s not going to happen overnight. I’ll have relapses. And that’s okay. It’s to be expected. But practice makes perfect, right? (Goat, maybe a few more cliches could be used here. *huge eye roll*). Baby steps towards total fabulousness is my new goal. Wish me luck and expect some meltdowns. But all the while, know that I’m getting there.
Oh, hello. Iced tea and ‘Nilla Wafers?
What’s on your television? There is so much good stuff on in the summers now! Love that! Of course most of it is not on the regular networks.
Burn Notice – HOT Jeffrey Donovan stars. HOT Gabrielle Anwar costars. HOT Bruce Campbell costars. Its a crime show, it’s part comedy, it’s exciting. Jeffrey Donovan is Michael Westen – a spy who got burned (fired) and makes a living helping out people using all his spy knowledge and stuff. More time needs to be spent with the camera on Mr. Donovan shirtless, but other than that. Gabrielle Anwar is Fiona – she is Michael’s ex and is hot and bad ass. She totally needs to eat a cheeseburger, but I totally have a girl-crush on her anyway. Bruce Campbell is Sam – Michael’s older spy buddy. He is v v handsome. And adds the much needed wit. Also, Sharon Gless (yes, that one! From Cagney and Lacey) is Michael’s mother. She can be a touch annoying, but also adds wit. If you aren’t watching Burn Notice, you are missing out.
The Closer – Kyra Sedgwick (Mrs. Kevin Bacon) stars as the police chief in LA. Her staff handles major crimes. Her team is experienced, quirky, funny, and fun to watch. Ms. Sedgwick is also bad ass and gives women a great role model.
In Plain Sight – well, here is yet another show with a strong, smart woman to emulate. Mary and Marshall are Inspectors with the Witness Protection Program. They help people relocate to Albequerque. There are minor characters that help round out the cast and the whole team is fun to watch.
Psych – James Roday and Dule’ Hill star as Shawn and Gus. Shawn has “psychic” ability – which is actually just acute observational skills, and Gus is his BFF and together they help the Santa Barbara police department solve crimes. Shawn is the comedian and Gus is the “straight” man, but they are funny. Also, there is a pineapple hidden in every episode. That alone is reason to watch.
Castle – I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! There are repeats on this summer, and they are just as good the second time around. And to think, ABC considered cancelling this show. *hard head slap for ABC execs*. Nathan Fillion, who is smokin’ hot, is Richard Castle, a crime novelist who is shadowing the lovely Stana Katic, a police detective, so that he can get stories for his next novel. If you have ever seen Nathan Fillion in anything, you know that he has a very wry wit, great facial expressions, and he’s pretty to look at. He is fantastic in this show. I’ll keep watching the repeats until the show comes back on in September.
I also still watch L&O CI – I’m really liking Jeff Goldblum in this show. I used to think he was quirky looking, but day-ummmm! He has aged VERY well. As much as I love Vincent D’Onofrio, Mr. Goldblum is quickly becoming my new favorite. (Sorry Debra!)
I’ve given Hawthorne a chance, but it’s not holding my attention, I think. Jada Pinkett Smith is a nurse who runs everything, but she seems to be everywhere in the hospital, all up in everyone’s business, and never gets tired. Now, maybe the hospital is tiny and that can be realistic, but…. eh. I’m not buying it.
I’ve also given Royal Pains a chance, mostly because I think Mark Feurstein is such a cutie. Normally, I don’t like characters like the brother, but for some reason, I find the brother amusing. It’s a good show, I guess, but again, it’s about a doctor who can cure everything and is exactly where he needs to be at the exact right time. Unrealistic, but not rocket science.
I guess that’s it. It might seem that that is alot of shows to watch, but the DVR is a wonderful thing. 60 minute program in about 43. Record everything and watch it later.
If you are wondering what to watch, try one of these. You’ll be amused for an hour.
MagAndMoo's Blog 