Oh, hello! Have some whole wheat pasta. I just made it.
I’m so jealous of people who write or blog and seem to always have something to say. It might be something funny or poignant or serious or sad, but they write. They write sometimes every day.
Me? I have every intention to post something here every day. But then, my mind goes blank. Or I come up with some whipped up rant about, say, commercial radio, but then I start to write something and find myself extraordinarily boring. Maybe I listen to the voices in my head too much.
Even with this post, I’ve had at least 2 other “brilliant” ideas for posts, but right after I start them? Poof. Gone. And those ideas are replaced with blank spaces and the voices that tell me “Nah, don’t write that! That’s just dumb.” So I don’t. I would love to kill the little voices that hound me all the time. They tell me all kinds of things: I’m great. I’m not good enough. I am fat. I am proud of myself for working out. I want cake. I don’t want cake. And on and on and on.
Is it possible to control those voices? To change the constant flow of blather from negative to positive? To quiet them? Even for just a little while?
So, here’s another lame post. I’m sorry for it. I’d say the next one will be better, but I can’t make any promises.
Oh, hello! I’d offer you something, but these pictures might make you gag, so I’ll spare you. But just this once.
Remember when I told you about getting my tattoo removed? And I would post pictures of it now? Well, here they are, but if you get grossed out easily, don’t look. I’ll put the least offensive one first.
Okay, they aren’t quite as gruesome small, but you get the idea. Try walking around with THAT on your leg. SO PRETTY! Even better, try getting a pedicure with it. The technicians get all squinky about it. I can’t imagine why. *heh*
OOO, and click on any of the above to see it bigger. (Hork!)
Also, this MAY NOT happen to you. Clearly, I went to a “doctor” who sucked ass. The last laser treatment I got was almost 10 years ago and I still deal with this about twice a year. If you want your tat removed, ask around and talk to A LOT of people to find out who is good in your area.
Oh, and if you have any ideas about how to make this *points to leg* better, I’ll try anything!!
Also:
Just wanted to leave you with something cute.
Oh, hello! Have a muffin. I think they are lemon poppyseed – my favorite!
So, evidently, at the end of last year (aka a week ago) I contacted my friend Moo and said – Yeah, I’m fat. I’m sick of being fat. I’m going to work out. Will you help me? And she said – Hellz yeah. And then kept the email. Damnit! It’s in writing now so I can’t get out of it.
After much whining and denial, I dug the Wii board out from under the couch, found the remote and nunchuk, and popped in the EA Active disk. I am LOVING it. I really like the Wii Fit games and the little Mii – although I could do without the voice asking me if I’ve been too busy to work out, or if I tend to fall a lot as I walk, and groaning “OH!” as I step on the board. *stinkeye* I could also do without the computer puffing up my Mii to remind me that I am “Rubenesque”. I know I am. But the games are fun.
With the Active disk, I actually get a series of exercises that include running (in place), strength training, balance, and a variety. Before I know it, I’m through all my exercises and done for the day. I’m starting at the easiest level, and it takes only 25-30 minutes to do all of them, but I’m starting. That’s the best part. Baby steps, right?
Yes, I did this as part of the New Year’s intention that everyone makes – get skinny. That would be nice, but my goal is to be healthier than I was in 2009 and to not get winded on stairs. (Don’t judge me.) I deserve to be healthy and to take care of myself. If I don’t do it, who will?
Somewhat related, but not, is that the new season of Biggest Loser starts tonight. Don’t worry, I won’t be blogging about this season. I am pretty sure no one read it anyway. And Potes, over at televisionwithoutpity.com does a GREAT job of recapping the episodes. She is laugh-out-loud funny – for real. So I’ll just be watching along with the rest of you to see if the dude over 500 pounds can get under 300; or if the couple who, together, weigh almost 1000 pounds can make it through a workout without dying. I hope so.
Anyhoo, I’m back to Wii-ing, and am pretty pleased with myself. Maybe I’ll do it every day and blog about it, then they can make a dull movie about it, with someone fabulous playing the “before” me and someone MORE fabulous (i.e. ME) playing the “after” me.
Healthy again in 2010.
I’ll keep you posted.
Oh, hello! Come in. It’s the last day for donuts, so take two. The next snack will be *gulp* good for you.
So, just like every single other blogger, I am going to look back to see what I accomplished over the last year. But unlike ever other blogger, my introspection will be fascinating, I’m sure. You know, like watching grass grow.
2009. What can we say about this year. I’ll be ending this year the same way I ended last year – at a hockey game. It’s something I love to do. It will get me out of the city before all the real craziness starts. I’ll take it.
2009 was the year I came out of my shell a little bit more. I joined Twitter, which, in all honesty, is the ultimate time suck/chat room. It’s silly. It’s stupid. It’s fun. It’s make-believe. I noticed the other day that I have tweeted more than 6,100 times. And of that? 99% have been silly and fluffy. But I got some laughs from it, so I’ll keep doing it. I can Tweet something that is authentically me and if someone doesn’t like it, I can click “unfollow” and eliminate the judgement.
I also started this blog in 2009. I had thought about blogging for years. I even attempted to do one before. But I didn’t ever tell anyone about it, or do it with any idea about how it would go. (Clearly, I know what I’m doing now. I’m practically fluent in blog these days. *heh*) I started this one with a lot of trepidation, a lot of fear, quietly. I didn’t know if anyone would read it, or if anyone would like it, or comment, or re-visit. And while my count of people who have visited my site is low by some standards, and my comments section has the honor of a few regular visitors, I am flattered and a little bit giddy about every single view that is listed. *Someone* is reading. And for all the times I have looked at it, whether to reference a previous post, or just to “check the stats” (don’t judge me), I still have had what I consider a huge number of visitors and I want to thank each of you.
Work wise, I bid farewell to the age of the Leg Jiggler, and ushered in Smiley. The Gas ‘n Sip became the Gas ‘n Stuff. I don’t remember anything huge happening, although I’m sure that at some point through the year, something huge happened and I was traumatized at the time. I’ll take my memories, or lack thereof, as they stand now, thank you very much.
I also, most recently, spent some time wallowing in my grief that Madame X is sick. She seems to be doing a teensy bit better, but I have also (mostly) wrapped my head around the fact that she may be leaving my life sooner, rather than later. I can (almost) say that now without sobbing violently. Big steps for me.
Oh! I almost forgot that 2009 was the year in which I shredded the credit cards. I still have balances that I am really trying to pay off, but no new debt. YAY me! It’s really hard to live without a credit card, can I just tell you? I almost wish I had saved one, but I’ve met me. And it was all or nothing. And all was the only real option. Now I really think about what I buy, and whether I need it, or can afford it, or can still pay my mortgage if I buy it. It’s made me appreciate that which I do buy so much more.
So 2010 is about 14 hours away. I’ve already written about the regular intentions that I foresee. I have been tossing it around my brain, too, lately that I may actually attempt to read…. wait for it…. the Bible. Both the Old and New Testaments. I’ve read parts of it. But never all the way thru. I think before I can say it’s great or sucks or somewhere in between, I should read it. I foresee it being a full year’s project. I’m sure there will be a lot of it that I don’t understand or “get” but that’s okay. And who knows. After that, I could move on to the Torah and the Koran. Who knows. I might as well learn about the religions that are affecting the world most these days.
The other book that I want to get through this year coming is War and Peace. I want to see what all the fuss is about. And if it will really take me 42 years to get through it. I’m not skeered….
And, speaking of skeered, I would like to make 2010 the year I faced my fears. But more in the way of you know when you are asked to do something and you immediately say “Nope, can’t.” or start sweating or curling into a fetal position while whimpering? Those kinds of fears. Public speaking. Figuring out what happened in my early thirties that has virtually erased a number of the years from my memory. Something must have happened, however uneventful. What was it? Those types of fears. Not the “I’m afraid of bugs and heights” types of fears. I’ll save that for another time.
Will I achieve success with these intentions? I think I already have by putting them in writing. And however far I get in the reading of either the Bible or W&P, I will have made the start. Better than looking at them and thinking “Someday…”
So, 2009 was pretty uneventful in a lot of ways. And I’m starting 2010 with big goals. I hope that this time next year, I will be able to check off at least some of those as “Wins”.
And to you, my lovely, wonderful readers, I wish for you a 2010 of wonder and joy and health and laughter and love. I hope you all get what you ask for from the Universe and that it makes your life full and fabulous.
And however you are celebrating this evening, do it with loved ones, safely, and fully. I want to see all of you back here next year.
xoxo
Oh, hello! Come on in and have some tea with me.
After many years of resisting my mother’s pleas to go see my nephew play basketball, lately I find myself attending his games. He LOVES basketball. He wants to play professionally. And of course, my mother has been going to his games and gushing about how good he is and blah blah blah. Whatever, Mum, you’re his grandmother. OF COURSE you are going to say he’s good. That’s what grandmothers do. *eye roll*
So, my nephew? Eddie? Is *really* good. I’m actually really impressed with how good he is. He is in high school, a sophomore. He plays on the Varsity team – the only soph to do so. And he does really well with the older boys. Watching, I can see that some of the seniors are reluctant to pass him the ball at times, but I think that might be an ego thing, rather than an “Eddie sucks” thing. Which is too bad. He doesn’t hog the ball, he passes well, he’s great on defense, and is really all about the team. When he’s on the bench and there’s a time-out, he’s the first off the bench to high-five (or whatever high school kids do these days) the players coming off the floor. It’s nice to see that. It’s a little thing, but I’m sure others notice it too.
The first game I went to was at a school that I had not visited in more than 25 years. If anything could define “surreal” I think that would be it. Then I got to people watch the other high school team’s fans. OH MAH GAH. If I was ever that young or that obnoxious, I am publically apologizing to anyone I came in contact with.
And the clothes?? OY! I’ve been trying to think back to my high school term. Granted, it was 25 years ago, so my memory is a little fuzzy. But I honestly do not remember, EVER, seeing girls wear so little, or with bewbs so big. I know there were girls with huge bewbs. And I know that there were girls who dressed, um…. far less conservatively than I. But, holy cows!! There was skin showing, and copious amounts of lycra, and short, and tight. YIKES!
It must be the style these days. I don’t spend a lot of time around kids. I don’t “get” them, typically. Or I end up talking to them as if I were one of them, and I don’t know that that is a good thing either. But to see these kids, putting it all out there, while still managing to look SO young? It makes me sad for them. They are so far ahead of where we were 25 years ago – socially, technologically – that they aren’t kids any more. They all have better phones/shoes/bags/cars than I do (which, quite honestly, is not saying much). But I still think it’s taking away the joy of childhood from them.
Ugh. Anyway. Enough philosophical blather today.
My nephew? I’ll tell you his real name when he goes pro. For now? He’s my Eddie and I am *really* proud of him. And he should be really proud of himself.
Oh, hello! Have some trail mix. Sorry, I haven’t been shopping in a while.
Well, so much for posting more, huh? Honestly, though, even as scarce as I have been lately, I still manage to post more frequently than others…. just sayin…
And so, another year is drawing to a close. Was it everything you hoped it would be? Did you stick with your New Year’s resolutions longer than it took you to write them down? Was it full of good, joy, and happiness? Or were you challenged with sadness, loss, and grief?
I know people who fit any, all, and none of those classifications. I hope your year, as you sit and reflect nurse your hangover on January 1st, finds that you are in a better place than you were one year ago.
My year was relatively stable. Of course I had the usual intentions of ending the year thinner, happier, richer, and more in love than I started it. The one intention that I did manage to keep, and it is not difficult, is to read a greater number of books this year than last. I have managed to do that for several years now, and will continue to do so.
This year’s NYE plans are the same as last year’s. I’ll be at a hockey game, then home before all the drunk, crazy people get behind the wheels of their vehicles and attempt to kill people drive home to the next bar. I’m all for having a cocktail and having fun, but when your “fun” impedes my ability to be safe? Then, you suck.
Another of my intentions for the upcoming year is to rid my home of everything that I don’t absolutely love. If I haven’t used it, worn it, looked at it, thought about it, or needed it in the past 12 months, I will be either donating it or trying to sell it on eBay. (If it doesn’t sell on eBay, it will be going into the donate pile.) I’m sick of moving “things” from one room to another. I’m clearing the decks, so to speak.
As far as the requisite “get thinner/healthier” intention goes, I’m sure there will be some form of that on my list. But that goes hand-in-hand with my learning to accept who I am over what I look like intention, so I think “Get healthier” will encompass mind, body, and soul. I’ll still be me, just an improved version of me.
So, what will your goals/intentions/resolutions be for 2010? Are you sticking with the traditional ones? Or are you going to stretch your boundaries a little and do something new?
Oh, hello! Come over here and get yourself some Christmas cookies. I haven’t been around for so long and now you all look a little peckish.
So, where have I been? I’m glad you asked.
After a heart-hurting post about Madame X, I needed a break. I couldn’t face writing some blather that meant nothing to me or to anyone else. I had had such high hopes to complete NaBloPoMo AND NaNoWriMo, but ended up not finishing either. I did cheer others on to success, albeit from my sofa, while in the fetal position.
I learned that I missed you all. (*heh* I say “you all” like there are millions of you who actually read this dreck). I thought about writing something, but just couldn’t do it. K2Kid none-too-subtly asked me if I had given up blogging altogether. (*waves* at K2Kid while also giving *stinkeye* and thanking her for the kick in the rear.)
So here I am. What’s new? Let’s see:
1. I am no longer under the Leg Jiggler’s domain. He has been reallocated to a different group, as have I. Hoorah!! He is still here, in the next cell, but the dynamic has changed. I now report to someone up in Canadia. Yep, that’s right, everyone’s favorite Gas ‘n Sip keeps getting bigger! Now you can call us the Gas ‘n Sip, Eh?
2. Out of the blue, my friends at MegandAli.com gifted me a hat to say thank you for “reviewing” them. I was so surprised, even though I secretly know that Mr. Meg (aka Frank) wants me to do some free advertising for them. But that’s okay. I really do like their stuff, and if my wearing a hat helps them to be successful, I’m happy to do that. The hat itself? A basic baseball cap, soft, with their familiar peace sign on the front. I wore it on one of my trips to Canadia, in fact. It was comfy and didn’t end up causing my head to itch like so many other hats can. Mr. Meg told me they have to update the site, but check out the hats if you get a chance.
3. I am not sure I have ever mentioned this before, but I hate, *hate*, the holidays. Hate. I wish I didn’t, but I honestly don’t remember a truly happy one. People get SO stressed, and SO ugly, and SO cranky at this time of year. There is pressure to have a *perfect* tree/house/outfit/family/dog/iguana, and it becomes just another chore. Plus, the fact that the stores start with the Christmas-related crap as early as July or August. Really? I would love nothing more than to make it just another day, with a pleasant family meal, where we get together and have fun with a game or something. No pressure. No “jeez, did I get everyone the “right” gift?” No “have I sent out the cards?” ENOUGH! Enough of the commercialism. I mean, really. Hey, stores: if you can “mark stuff down” by some percentage for “holiday sales”, chances are IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!!! (I have to stop my rant here. My sinus pressure is killing me, and this rant and thinking about the holidays is giving me a headache. I’ll revisit the topic when I feel better. Maybe.)
4. I had myself another Madame X breakdown last night. I’m not sure where that came from because, as far as I know, nothing has changed about her condition. But, there I was anyway, in a pile on my bed, sobbing, nearly suffocating, and thinking about how much my life will be “less” without her there. Today, I am exhausted with very pretty, puffy, tired eyes trying to look at it from the perspective of how much better my life has been because she has been in it, and what a joy it has been to have her there, and with complete comfort that she will be looking out for me once the inevitable happens. Someone please keep reminding me of that.
5. The Biggest Loser. Yeah, I didn’t do my recap of the last 2 shows. A few reasons for that: 1. my meltdown; 2. no one read them; 3. I didn’t feel like it. A new season starts January 5, and I’ll be watching it. Without my computer.
I guess that’s it for now. I feel like I am starting this blog thing over from scratch. Baby steps. But I will try to not leave again for so long. I really did miss you.
Oh, hello! Fruit tonight: pomegranate, orange, apples.
Last week:
Weigh in:
Rudy (blue): 324 – 16 to 308 (!!!) (134 pounds total – BL record of most weight lost in 10 weeks) (4.94%) SAFE
Rebecca (pink): 209 – 3 to 206 (73 pounds total) She’s upset. (1.44%) Below the line.
Liz (brown): 206 – 3 to 203 (64 pounds total) (1.46%) Below the line.
Alan (green): 243 – 5 to 238 (87 pounds total) (2.06%) SAFE
Amanda (pink): 202 – 9 to 193 (57 pounds total) She’s thrilled. Bob is thrilled. (4.46%) SAFE
Danny (brown): 316 – 12 to 304 (126 pounds total) (3.80%) SAFE
Rebecca went home. She looks good. Oh, and she’s in love with Daniel.
This week: Suze Orman is going to be there.
We start out with a recap of last week’s eviction. They all know that this is the final week on campus and they can’t start slacking now. B&J show up, and are not surprised. Jill said that Rudy is lying and that the reason he sent her home is that she is the biggest threat. He said that he would say it if it were true. I tend to agree with him. I get the impression that the trainers and the fatties are all sick of each other. I can say that I’m sick of all of them.
Bob has Rudy doing the weights that he did the first week. He’s laughing at how easy it is. Now he’s on to Danny doing the same thing. It’s funny to watch. Each in turn is going thru the same things. The changes are amazing. And dare I say… inspirational? Yep.
Sami comes in to talk to them about the final week. And going home and finding a balance. In comes Suze Orman, the financial advisor. There is a connection between health and wealth. Obesity is an expensive disease. She is meeting one on one now. Alan is going to call his insurance agent to get his premium reduced. They charged him more for being overweight. Rudy is getting advice on checking credit reports. Liz is being told how to handle money related issues within her marriage. (Unseen footage from her visit can be seen on her show, Saturday, 9pm on CNBC).
The fatties go to the gym, where Sami and Suze are waiting for them. Treadmills are lined up, in order to play a game. They are not competing against each other. They have to answer questions. For every one they get correct, $1000 will be invested in an account for them at TD Ameritrade. Wow. That’s cool! Incorrect answers mean one level faster and one level higher on the treadmills. Question 1: How much less do obese employees make in one year? Answer: $7000. They all got it correct. Question 2: How much can a family save in a year swapping one meal out for one at home every day? Answer: $8760. (Holy crap!!) All but Amanda got it correct. Question 3: How much do Americans spend on gastric bypass surgery every year? Answer: $4.4 BILLION (Again, holy crap!!) Alan got it correct. Everyone else was wrong. Question 4: How much do Americans spend on obesity-related health issues every year. Answer: $147 Billion. Everyone got it right. Question 5: How much money will you save over 40 years by going from obese to your ideal weight. Answer: 1 million. Everyone but Alan got it right.
The next day, Jill walks in to talk with Danny and Alan about how they are feeling about going home. Cheerios product placement.
At the gym. Amanda is feeling alone. Rudy is targeting Danny this week. Alan is feeling like he just wants to finish. Bob comes in and talks to them as to how they have changed and will they succeed? Danny is scared. They are all crying. Amanda is talking to Bob outside about how they bonded and love each other. It makes me a little sick.
Liz and Danny are talking about how they have been a team and partners together. They helped each other and pushed each other. Sweet. And a little icky.
Challenge time. They are at a football stadium with the amount of weight they have lost to date on their jerseys. They have to carry the amount of weight they lost. There are footballs that weigh what they each lost each of the 10 weeks. (i.e. Rudy’s first week, he lost 28 pounds. His first football weighs 28 pounds.) They have to carry the weights down the field and put the corresponding football on the week marker. The first one done wins 2 tickets to the 2010 NFL probowl. Special guest is Rod Woodson. (IDK who that is…) They all seem excited. Rod throws in a prize of $5000 of athletic equipment to the school of their choice. They pick up their first football and have to walk all the way down the field to the week 1 stand. They put the football down and run back to the beginning. On to the next one. Alan is winning. Rudy and Amanda are right behind him. Alan wins. Rudy is second. Amanda is third. Liz is fourth. Danny finishes strong.
Danny wrote a song. Played it for everyone. Lots of recapping of previous weeks. Again. It was a little awkward to watch. But sweet too, I suppose.
Tomorrow night, there is a “where are they now” show with former contestants to see who kept if off and who gained it all back. FUN!
Subway product placement.
Last chance workouts. Beatings. Sweat. Explanations of what the last chance workout is. (Really??) Yelling. All taking about making it to the final four. Jeepers. Liz is crying again.
Winner of the weigh in also gets Curtis Stone going to their home to teach them how to cook.
Weigh in:
Rudy: 308 – 12 to 296. (3.9%) (33.03% total) SAFE
Liz: 203 – 5 to 198. (2.46%) (25.84% total) below the line
Alan: 238 – 8 to 230. (3.36%) (29.23% total) below the line
Amanda: 193 – 7 to 186. (3.63%) (25.6% total) SAFE
Danny: 304 –16 to 288. Double digit losses 7 weeks in a row.(5.26%) (33.02% total) SAFE
Danny gets the Curtis Stone win. Amanda is the swing/deciding vote this week. Danny will vote to keep Liz. Rudy will vote to keep Alan. Much begging and pleading. Alan pulls Amanda aside to plead his case and plays the “Liz voted against you before” card.
Voting: Danny votes for Alan; Rudy votes for Liz; Amanda votes for Alan. Alan is going home. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
At home update: Big crowd meets Alan at the fire station. That’s nice. He’s wanting to help others lose weight now. He’s lost another 10 pounds. Works out with his wife.
Next week: final four.
Tomorrow night, remember, is the where are they now show. One former winner has gained all “his” weight back.
Oh, hello! Help yourself to some hot wings and fries. Good stuff.
I had to force myself to not do the ugly cry tonight.
Almost three years ago, Madam X started to not feel well. We didn’t know what was going on, but she kept getting worse. She was tired all the time, her spleen was enlarged, her mental faculties were diminishing. She was gray. There’s no other way to accurately describe how she looked.
After six months or so of living like this and slowly deteriorating, Madam X was taken into the hospital emergency room. Her spleen was of a size that warranted immediate surgery. Since so much blood had been diverted to her spleen, she wasn’t able to think clearly. That explained her inability to think clearly and remember things and walk more than a block without needing to sit down. While they were in there, digging around, they found out that Madam X has cancer. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.
During that time, Madam X and Mister Y were in the process of selling the house in which they had lived for more than 40 years. They were moving into a smaller house that was newer and more manageable. There was a lot going on. Madam X was going through chemo, moving,. Everyone was completely stressed. Luckily, the cancer was caught early enough that radiation wasn’t needed in addition to the chemo. We were all really hopeful.
After the chemo, Madam X went into remission. She recovered slowly, but we were convinced that it was a blip on the radar. Every checkup seemed to be a reaffirmation of this, as the blood tests showed that all counts were good and this vile disease was being defeated.
This past summer, Madam X started to not feel good again. She was tired all the time. She didn’t want to go to the doctor until her regularly scheduled checkup, despite me begging her to do so. I think she knew, better than anyone, what the results were going to be. I should have known. So, in September, when she should have found out that, yet again, she was clear, she instead found out that the cancer is back.
Her doctor seemed to be optimistic and encouraging. Chemo was scheduled for every three weeks for 6 courses. The doctor said this was going to take care of it. I’ve been watching Madam X during all of this and I see that she’s not recovering as well this time. She remains tired all the time. She is certainly not bouncing back as quickly. I can feel my heart breaking.
Thanksgiving is coming up. Madam X does not want to, or can’t, do such an event. Her daughter suggested that we all go out for dinner instead. But even that seems like too much for Madam X. The last time I spoke with her daughter, she callously shot off a “She probably won’t be alive for it next year, so we should do something.”
(Pausing for the ugly cry now…. brb…)
I’m back.
So ever since, that statement has been on my mind. I asked Madam X’s son if he thought that statement was accurate too. He said that he didn’t think it would be that soon, but that it was coming. Hence, the ugly cry.
I love Madam X more than anyone else on the planet. She has been there for me through everything – good, bad, or indifferent. She has been an inspiration. She has been my cheerleader, my leveler, my hero, and my friend.
I know that, at 42, I am of an age where people in my life will be getting sick and/or dying. But in this situation, I feel like I am 12. I should be mature enough to handle this. Of course I will be sad. Of course it will hurt. But do I need to have a complete meltdown at just the THOUGHT of this person not being in my life? People die all the time, and their loved ones go on. They go on with life, with love, with living. They don’t lose their sh*t.
I don’t want to hurry this process along, but how am I going to deal with this brilliant, lovely, loving woman not being in my life? I need to find a way to hold it together the next time I see her, the next time we get together for breakfast. I mean, if I am this much of a mess as a result of some off-hand, snotty remark by Madam X’s daughter, what will I do when the real thing happens?
I am angry and sad and I know that it is completely unfair that this woman is sick. She has worked hard her entire life. She has given everything to her family and her children. She never asks for anything in return. She is kind, and loving, and sweet, and (normally) full of life.
Tonight, this is my struggle. This is my challenge. This is my reason for sobbing.
Madam X deserves better. She deserves to reach the end of her life surrounded by joy and beauty and love. She doesn’t deserve to have this horrible disease get the best of her.
Madam X, I love you and I want you to get better. And if fate is cruel and doesn’t allow that to happen, I want you to know that you will be with me forever – as a constant reminder of how to live, as a good and true person. I can only hope to, one day, be a fraction of the woman you are.
Oh, hello! Whole wheat pasta with red sauce tonight. Dig in!
Before I start with last night’s update, did you know??? Daniel? and Rebecca? DATING. Yep. She’s the girlfriend that he alluded to. I’ll give you a moment to digest that…
Last week:
Weigh in:
Rudy (blue): has immunity: 332 – 8 to 324 (2.41%) SAFE
Rebecca (pink): 219 – 10 to 209 (4.57%) SAFE
Liz (brown): 218 – 12 to 206 (5.50%) SAFE
Allen (green): has a 1 pound advantage: 253 – 10 to 243 (4.35%) SAFE
Amanda (pink): 207 – 5 to 202 (2.42%) Below yellow line.
Danny (brown): 333 – 17 to 316 (5.11%) SAFE and has lost 114 pounds in 9 weeks.
Daniel (orange): 261 – 5 to 256 (1.92%) Below the red line. He’s going home.
Shay (orange): 393 – 17 to 376. (4.33%) She’s lost 100 pounds in 9 weeks. Jill is stunned. Below yellow line.
Both Shay and Daniel went home. We saw him as an update but not her. BTW? Daniel and Rebecca? Yep. Together.
This week? SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! It’s makeover week!!!!!!! And you know what that means??? TGIF! Tim Gunn Is Fabulous!!!! SQUEE!!!!!
We open with a limo driving up. Sami is all dressed up. She’s telling them about giving a speech to a crowd. Then she opens the limo door and Tim Gunn comes out. (LOVE!!!) and Tabitha Coffey from Tabitha’s Salon Takeover is here too!!! SQUEE!!!!!!! TG is taking them to a suite at some hotel for clothing and Tab is taking them to some salon in West Hollywood.
Liz is first. TG shows her some clothes. Liz is talking about her speech and how she’s going to talk to women taking time for themselves. Her goal? To look fabulous.
Rudy is next. Looking at suits, but he prefers jeans and a t-shirt. (Way to go out on a limb there, Moose.) TG is trying to talk him in to a blazer to snazz up the jeans. Rudy’s not buying that. Tab is trying to get him to shave the beard. She’s bad-ass, so she will win.
Rebecca is next. TG shows her an animal print. (Sorry. Can’t stop picturing her with Daniel. Kinda gagging a little bit.) TG asks her about her speech. She cries about being able to shop now. She tells TG to not cover her all up. Flash to her with Tab. Tab wants to take her to short hair.
Amanda is shown getting her hair cut. Didn’t see her with the clothes.
The boys are all talking about their speeches – their struggles in everyday life, the reasons for being on the BL.
We don’t see all the hair and clothing being done. Then we’re at the night of the speech. We see Rebecca with her short hair. It’s cute. It looks good on her. It is, however, VERY similar to Ali – the first female winner. She’s freaking out. She comes around the corner and is in a black dress, sky-scraper heels. She looks really good. It’s not a jaw-dropping transformation, but it’s good. TG is telling her she’s got 300 people waiting to be inspired by her. (Nice…that’s so evil! I love it.) But he has one last surprise. He turns her around… she screams like she’s being killed…. and it’s…. a commercial. It’s her sister. They hug and cry. Her sister is tiny. And very pretty.
Danny walks around the corner. I couldn’t figure out initially if it was him or Rudy. His hair is darker. He’s in jeans, a woven shirt and a sweater vest. He looks MUCH younger. He’s excited for the speech, can’t wait to get out there. TG turns him around to see his family. He’s shocked. And crying. His wife is psyched.
Alan comes out in a gray suit. He looks very nice. His wife and daughter are there. She is pretty. (That’s it for Alan. Wow, did he get short-changed on the makeover segment!!)
Amanda still has blond hair. It’s about shoulder length. She has on a bright royal blue blouse and black pants. (She should have gone with a dress, IMO.) Her mom is there. Much hugging and smiling.
Rudy comes out with jeans, a woven shirt, and a brown jacket on. I’m sorry, the dude is huge! Not fat huge. But he’s just a big guy! He looks good. His hair is shorter and the beard is gone. Thank goat. He looks much younger and much thinner. His wife and kids are there. His daughter is cute.
Liz is in an animal print dress. Her hair is a soft blond and has been shaped and shortened. I have to say that her transformation (for this makeover show) has been the most dramatic. Her husband and daughter are there. She looks so good.
Sami is all fancy in a silvery dress. Sexy! This is the BL/TV Guide magazine makeover. (What happened to Prevention magazine? Curious.)
Danny comes out: the crowd goes wild. Then Liz. Then Rudy. Then Amanda. Then Rebecca. Then Alan. They all get standing ovations. They are all grinning and confident and crying. (They showed Bob’s reaction to Amanda only. That whole thing creeps me out for some reason. IDK why.)
Alan goes first. He’s talking about his life as a firefighter and how he couldn’t save people before. He felt like he was a liability to his company.*sob*
Danny started with a weight problem early on. His turning point was when his daughter said to him “Daddy, I wanna have a belly just like you.” She is the one who made him want to turn his life around. *sob* The daughter interviews that she loves him so much and she can’t wait to go on her journey. *sob sob*
Rudy tells the story of him at 12 with his sister being diagnosed with cancer. They show Jill in the audience, looking horrified, and being shocked that she didn’t know about it. She is, of course, pissed that he didn’t tell her. Um, yeah, Jill, because it’s about you. I mean, I get it, but still… FOCUS! Back to Rudy – before his sister died, she told him that he’s going to have to make a change for himself because he’s good-looking and likeable. *sob* Seriously. Could they give us a warning?? He’s like a gentle giant.
Amanda is next. She admits that she didn’t have an “event” that caused her to gain weight. She just always saw herself as big and she became that.
On to Rebecca. She has always been the chubby friend. The chubby sister.
Now Liz. (Way to cut Rebecca short. Seriously, that’s all they let her say.) Liz woke up one day and knew she was fat. She blamed everything and everyone else. The dryer shrunk her clothes. She would watch BL while eating ice cream. (Is that bad??) She lost herself. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
They keep showing the fatties in the audience as the contestants are speaking. It’s kinda funny. They did a good job with the speeches. Very inspirational. Really. Amanda thinks the makeover was the best thing they did on the ranch so far. Um, really, Amanda? Going to Washington? Cooking in the White House? Losing weight? Not as good? Glad you have the right mindset there.
And it’s challenge time. Back to reality. They are going to hang on a wire and cross a canyon using a pulley to get them there. 700 feet. The winner gets a 2 week stay at the BL resort in Utah for them and their family. They all get geared up, in helmets and harnesses. Liz is freaking out to the point of being annoying. Danny is giggling at her. (HEE!) And they’re off. Rudy is in the lead. Liz is doing this with her eyes closed. Amanda is trying to catch Rudy. Rudy wins. Amanda is second. Then Alan. Then Rebecca. Then Danny. Liz is last, but she’s glad she finished. The finish platform has pictures of the “old” them on it. They get to ceremonially unveil the “new” them by rolling out new pictures of themselves. Cool.
B&J are finding out about the results of the challenge. Then, it’s last chance workout time. Bob holds Alan back and Jill takes the rest of them to the gym. Bob wants to know why Alan isn’t winning the challenges like he should be. He says he’s “playing the game” some so that he seems like less of a threat to the others. He wants to stay so he’s staying under the radar. Bob is okay with that.
Last chance workout. All day workout. Lots of sweat. Lots of grunting. Jill is pissed at Rudy for not mentioning his sister. Calls him out. He’s a private person and didn’t think he needed to talk about it. She takes him outside and he’s telling her the story as he’s carrying a heavy bag. She gets him to admit that he keeps all his problems inside. (Breakthrough!!)
No red line this week. Back to yellow line.
Weigh in:
Rudy (blue): 324 – 16 to 308 (!!!) (134 pounds total – BL record of most weight lost in 10 weeks) (4.94%) SAFE
Rebecca (pink): 209 – 3 to 206 (73 pounds total) She’s upset. (1.44%) Below the line.
Liz (brown): 206 – 3 to 203 (64 pounds total) (1.46%) Below the line.
Alan (green): 243 – 5 to 238 (87 pounds total) (2.06%) SAFE
Amanda (pink): 202 – 9 to 193 (57 pounds total) She’s thrilled. Bob is thrilled. (4.46%) SAFE
Danny (brown): 316 – 12 to 304 (126 pounds total) (3.80%) SAFE
Deliberations: Liz wants to know who is going to push them more. Rebecca asks to speak to Rudy and Alan alone. Alan tells Liz to get some fight to stay. Rebecca is begging stay. She’s saying that Liz has been below the line and has had her second chance and now wants her second chance. Liz goes to see Rudy and Alan to fight. She’s playing the “I’m old” card. (She’s only 49! Not 99! I’m sick of the “I’m old” bit.)
Voting:
Amanda: Liz; Danny: Rebecca; Rudy: Rebecca. If there was a tie, Rebecca has the lowest percentage of weight loss, so she would go home. Rudy said he voted for Rebecca because he couldn’t trust her. She’s getting all snarly back. She said that fighting with Rudy is worse than going home.
At home update: She started at 279. Her family is all there to greet her. She’s going through her closet and getting rid of everything. She’s running a half marathon. She’s now down 107 pounds. She looks really good! Skinny mini. She wants to be the at home winner and wants to eventually open a gym for over-weight kids.
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