Oh, hello!! I won’t even bother about the mess. I have a cleaner coming in. Help yourself to some spaghetti and meatballs.

I’m not dead. And if you have stopped by while I have been gone, THANK YOU! I don’t know why you would do that, but I appreciate it.

So, where have I been? And why haven’t I written?

I’ll start with the latter. I haven’t written because I haven’t felt like I had anything to say. Maybe I’ve been thinking about it too much. Or not enough. Then, the longer I went without posting, the more I didn’t want to post. Like when you don’t call someone for a while, and then the longer you wait to call, it gets more awkward? Yeah, that’s how I feel. Or felt. Or feel. I don’t know. I’ll see how it goes.

Where have I been? Right here. I haven’t “been” anywhere. I had 2 weeks off in August and had great huge plans to post every day. Then my friend Moo and her husband came up from Texas for the weekend. It was nice to actually meet her IRL. She’s as lovely as I knew she would be.

Then work has been… work. The Gas ‘n Sip can be very stressful and when I think about the possibility of maybe not having a job in a few months, it makes it worse. Of course, that is mostly in my own mind that I won’t have a job. I have been given no indication that that is the case.

Then I decided that there has to be more to life that what I am doing. Work. Life. Emotions. All of it. I decided that I need to find a job in other state or country. But am I doing it for adventure or am I trying to run away from my life? I think I need to find that out before I do anything. OR, as I type that, a new question. Is the theory that I need to figure things out before I do anything, part of what is making me stuck? A conundrum, I think.

I’ve been looking at other blogs and books and seeing the steps others are taking to make changes. I have such admiration for all the steps and hard things these people have taken and worked through to get better. To make their lives better. I want to do that. I really want to do that too. But I am afraid. Still.

The only thing I have sort of kept current with is Twitter. But even that has been at a lesser level. I think some of my connections on there have been real. But others? Nah. It’s not like I feel like I can just pick up the phone and call any of them. It all goes back to that not wanting to be a burden thing.

So, there you have it. My first post back after my sabbatical. I hope to get better. Soon.

xo

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