Life thru the haze of cat hair.

Word of the Year – 2013

Thanks to my friend Debra, for the past few years I have decided on a word to describe how I want the new year to unfold for me. I could go back and look for the posts for the past few years, but I also think it has been well established here how lazy I am. And besides, I’m pretty sure that whatever those previous words were, I didn’t stick with it for the full year.

Moving on.

In previous years, I also typically spent the last few days of the year scrambling to come up with The Word. Maybe I didn’t stick with it because it was a word I settled on – sort of felt right, so go with it.

But this year? This year the word for 2013 came to me in November. It woke me out of a sound sleep and took up residence with me. It has been patiently waiting for January 1 to arrive, slowly unpacking all its meanings and possibilities for my perusal, giving me plenty of time to know it is the right one this time.

So. What is my word for 2013?

CLEAN

Yes. You read that right. Clean. Why am I so excited about “clean”? Yes, it probably has some to do with how long I wait to actually clean my house. *shudder*

But I can see that for me, it also is going to be:
~ clean mind
~ clean heart
~ clean eating
~ clean goals

I think the possibilities for this word are tremendous. And as I mentioned before, 2012 was not a great year, so I am looking at 2013 as a clean start.

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The End of 2012

It’s the end of another year. Today is the day before Christmas Eve.

This is my first post in months and there is so much to say and yet nothing is coming out. I try to write. And then I sit, staring at the blinking cursor as it mocks me.

I want to write about what happened in Connecticut, but others have already done that and better than I could have. I want to write about what’s been going on with me, but then it seems so trite in light of all the bad bad things going on in the world.

I am off from the Gas ‘n Sip for the week and hope that I will get my feathers smoothed in time for the new year. I have big plans for 2013. Good things are on the horizon. I’m THRILLED to see 2012 go away – mostly, it was horrible.

I am working on the look of things around here too. I hope to be back around and that at least someone is still interested.

How’s your summer been?

Hi! Welcome back. It’s been quite the summer. I’m having quinoa right now. Would you like some?

So, the summer of 2012. June was spent getting ready for three family members to get surgery. July was spent sitting through said surgeries, driving to visiting hours, shopping on behalf of people who couldn’t, etc. All in the name of family. It was the right thing to do, and I would do it again.

Then August came. I mentioned before that my family broke up with me on August 1. At the time, I thought it would be temporary and that things would get better. I spent a good amount of time sobbing, wondering if I really was “a loser” and “a disappointment”. My conclusion? No. I’m not I was exhausted all the time, yet I couldn’t sleep. Depression, personified.

Once September started, I was ecstatic that the worst summer I can remember was coming to an end. Things couldn’t get worse, right? That is right. September has been SPECTACULAR so far.

I passed a certification exam that will help me in my job on September 1. I took the week off and goofed off. Then, I went to NJ to celebrate the successful launch of a project I had been working on for more than a year. It was a lovely celebration, and I won an iPad. Right after, I was taken out to a very fancy dinner in Philadelphia. It was amazing. And I saw the Liberty Bell (driving by at about 30mph, but still).

So here we are. September 10. And this month has rocked my face off so far. I still haven’t spoken with my family, but I’m getting used to it. I’m still sad about it.

Anyhoo. That’s been my summer. September is the start of the way things will be for me. I’m happy.

One is the loneliest number

Hi! Come on in. I don’t have much to offer you tonight. Cut up fruit – pineapple, cantaloupe, mango.

*****

So, I had all sorts of plans about new posts to put in this lonely sad blog. However, I gave up July to help out my family, and work has been crazy.

Now, I’m fairly sure that my family has broken up with me. 

I’ll concede that some of them have reason to be angry. But in the past 24 hours I have been accused of some horrible things. And the members of my family who knew about the situation beforehand? They have left me swinging out in the wind by myself. 

This sucks. 

I am officially alone in this world. I know that we all are, and we all reach this point eventually, but this was an abrupt and rude introduction to self sufficiency. 

Now what do I do? All day, things have been popping into mind. Who do I list now as my beneficiary on life insurance? Who do I list as my emergency contact? How do I go about listing my house for sale in the spring? What’s the best resource for finding a new job?

Maybe some of these reactions are actually over-reactions. But as devastated as I currently am, there is a tiny little voice in there somewhere that is whispering that maybe this is an opportunity. If the people who are supposed to love you best are able to judge so quickly, perhaps starting over might not be a bad idea.

I won’t do anything in haste. Or something I will regret. And maybe in time, this will settle down. But the relationships are irrevocably damaged. Of this I am certain. 

So. What do I do now?

Oh how I have missed you, Blog…

Good afternoon –

I’m having a lovely late lunch of pork and veggies. Help yourself!

*****

I have missed this blog. Where have I been?

Let me just say this. 3 family members, 3 surgeries, 3 weeks, 3 recoveries, 3 hospitals, 2 lonely cats, lots of visiting time, lots of miles driven, lots of exhaustion.

I keep telling myself that it’s worse for them, and that this is temporary, and that you don’t say no to family.

But it doesn’t leave me any much time for myself and my cats. Therefore, no time for even taking 10 minutes to write something here.

So, hopefully the worst is over, and things will go back to normal shortly.

 

Is it time to update your goals?

Hello! I’m serving up pizza tonight. Eat up.

*****

Today marks the end of the first half of 2012. 

I want you to take a moment and think back to December 31, 2011, when you were reflecting on the year past. Think of what you hoped 2012 would bring for you. Think of the goals you set and the vision board you created. Are you there? Can you see it clearly?

Great.

Now. Fast forward to today. Take a moment to look at that vision board. Look at your list of goals and intentions. Have you met any of the goals you set? All of them? Is the vision you set for the year still relevant to where you are now? 

6 months doesn’t seem that long, but it’s enough time for your life to have had a few realignments. 

Perhaps it might behoove you, us, to review what we wanted and what we have accomplished and to see if these things line up. Or is it time to modify things? Re-evaluate? 

We all want to live our best lives. I’ve written here before that we should treat every day as the start of a new year. Sometimes we need to have milestones that remind us.

Is it time to update your goals?

UPDATED: Writing Prompt: 5 Things You Darn Well Better Know About Me

Hi. Welcome. It’s dinner time. I’m having a little salad. Want some?

*****

Today’s writing prompt is interesting. I wonder if my answers will be based on my mood. And I don’t know if there is anything that you “darn well better know” about me. But, let’s see what I can come up with.

1. Being generous is something I am and something I am always amazed that others’ are not. Doing things for other people makes me happy. Sometimes I think I do too much. But then I look around at people in my life and see them being and doing just for their own benefit. I am, at once, baffled and disgusted. I don’t how they go through life like that. It’s not how I want to live. I like my way better.

2. Based on #1, I tend to get my feelings hurt easily. If the people in my life don’t, I guess, live up to my expectations, my feelings get hurt because I think they are somehow letting me down. Rather than accepting them as they are, I expect more of them and then my feelings get hurt.

3. I am quick to love and slow to forgive. I guess there is a theme to this. I believe the best in others, mostly, so once they are in my life they stay there. Unless I feel betrayed in some way. Then, no. I don’t forget easily either.

4. I am a master of wasting time. Not something to necessarily be proud of, but that wasn’t a requirement.

5. My music choices fall all over the spectrum. I prefer foreign films to mainstream releases. Books are one of my passions. And I like jigsaw puzzles.

Bonus: I love to laugh. It’s one of my favorite things.

*****

There you have it.

What do I need to know about you? Share if you’d like.

UPDATED: Since I posted this, I have been thinking more about #2. Yes, it is true that my feelings get hurt easily. But I think I get disappointed in people. I don’t understand how people can live their lives selfishly.

And then I get to a point where I think “just once, I would like someone to be generous to me. To do something for me. To make an outing all about me. Without being asked.” I spend so much time not being selfish that it rears its ugly head at unexpected times.

There. That feels better. #2 needed something more.