Oh, hello! Have a Skinny Cow ice cream cone. Yummy!
This may be a stream of consciousness type post. But I’m serious. Stop reading.
I am completely sick of myself. Have you ever gotten to that point? (You can’t answer, because you stopped reading up there when I recommended it.) Judas priest. It seems like there should be more. A better job. Less fear. More confidence – in myself, my abilities, my life. More… Just more.
And despite how much time I spend thinking about how to make that happen, or reading about how to make that happen, or wishing to make that happen, it seems that all end up doing is whining about it more. It’s like I’m sick of where I am but afraid to move on or try for more. So then it becomes my fault for not doing something, and then OH MY GOD! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!
I want to be thin. I want to write. I want to be in a happy relationship. I want I want I want. Well, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND JUST START.
Why is it so hard for me (or, I suspect, many people) to make changes – positive changes – in my life? Is it fear only? Fear of the unknown? Fear of leaving what is comfortable?
I mean, really. What is the worst thing that can happen? I fail? I don’t lose weight? I send out a resume and don’t hear back? SO WHAT! That doesn’t make me a bad person. At least I could say I tried.
I am so sick of being afraid. And I’m so sick of saying this over and over. And I’m so sick of wallowing in my own uncertainty. And I’m so sick of myself right now. UGH.
I need to shake this off. I need to move past this. I don’t know if putting it out here will help. God knows, I haven’t put good use to any of the 47,312 blank journals I have. I have every intention, when I buy them, to write all my deep, dark thoughts in them. Pfft. I put them on the shelf next to all the other good intentions.
But. How do I start? I feel like I am completely out of control in my life. I feel overwhelmed and at a loss. I don’t know where to start or how to start or what to start with. A plan would probably help, but I don’t even know where to start with that either!
God, I’m boring. What’s that Nike slogan? It sounds easy…. but give me a second, and I’m sure I’ll find a way to complicate it and end up completely whipped up and whimpering in the corner.
2010/06/23 at 5:56 pm
And may I just point out that you are ALREADY writing?? YAY YOU!!! xoxoxo
2010/06/13 at 1:53 pm
Concentrate on one thing at a time—losing weight, getting a new job, whatever. Don’t try to do it all at once.
Start small. Choose one thing and break it down into steps and start with the first one. For a new job, revamp your resume. Just doing that makes you feel accomplished. Then send it out. That right there is big. Same thing with losing weight and writing. Choose one thing each day. Start with something small and easily accomplishable (is that a word? if not, it should be). You can totally do this!
2010/06/09 at 8:41 am
Well……I bothered to read this! I have been following your blog for a while (yes, I’m a stalker who doesn’t comment!) and I LOVE it!
You have a definite gift for writing and I thoroughly enjoy every last word that you write. Don’t feel bad for wallowing. I think it’s incredibly healthy! Blogging is the BEST for venting and journalling anonymously.
Please keep putting your thoughts out there and I promise to comment more often and not just be your blog stalker! LOL
2010/06/09 at 6:21 pm
*waving* Hi!! I’m so glad you decided to say something. I love new commenters. (I’m just sorry you took time to read yesterday’s dreck! I’ll try to do better.)