Yes, just like everyone else, I’m doing a New Year’s post. I also have set 11,000 resolutions, just like everyone else.
I am happy that it is a new year. Although changing the year doesn’t make today any different from yesterday, does it? Really? There’s something about the new year, though, that makes everything seem shiny and new and optimistic.
It almost seems like we all get a clean slate. A do-over.
I’m not looking for a do-over. I’m looking for a do-better. I am using this shiny, clean slate to start writing a better ending.
I have already written about what some of my goals are for this year. This morning, I wrote in my journal about some other ones.
One that I will post updates for will be my step goal. 2,000,000 steps in the year. That is about 5,500 steps per day.
So, here’s to a happy, healthy, beautiful new year. I wish for you that all your dreams are realized.
0 down, 2 million to go.
So the name of this one is called “It’s a Brand New Day”.
I thought it would be good for the new year.
Whatcha think?
I’ve decided on some of my goals for the coming year. I won’t list them ALL here, because some of them are none of your business. F’realz…
Here goes:
1. The push-up challenge. @annieology on The Twitter did it last year, and I didn’t join in time. You can learn more about it on her site at annieology.com. I’ve recruited 3 others so far to do it along with me.
2. 2-million step challenge. “They” say that we should all walk 10,000 steps-per-day. If I do the math right, I think setting a goal of 2-million steps works out to be around 5,500-per-day. I wanted to set something high enough to keep my moving, but not so high as to be discouraging long about August. I’ll keep you posted weekly on how I’m doing.
3. Hot yoga. I used to do it regularly when I lived out-of-state, but didn’t know where the good places were here. I have finally heard about a good place and I want to attend at least 3 times per month. That’s a good number, I think.
4. Reading. For many years, I kept a list of the books I read each year; I wanted to read more this year than last. In 2010, I read 84 books. Or was it 86? I don’t remember, but it was a lot. I decided to not keep track this year – no pressure, just read what I wanted when I wanted without a focus on the bottom line. But I think I will set a goal for 2012. One a week should be good. So, 52 for 2012.
5. Cancel cable. I do watch TV. I’m not going to say “I never watch TV”. But honestly? There isn’t much on TV. There are a few show I watch regularly, but that number is dwindling. As I get older, I find myself less willing to tolerate the shows that I used to love. So, cable seems like less of a priority. I don’t think I will miss it.
So there you go. 5 of the goals I have set for myself for next year. There are more, and I’m sure there will be more still. But that’s all I have worked out so far.
What are your goals?
It’s December. 2011 has just flown by!! I’m already looking ahead to 2012.
About this time last year, I was on top of my game – feeling good and ready to make 2011 my bitch! I started the year that way too. But then, as the year progressed, I slipped back into my old ruts and habits. My word for the year was Kind. But regressing back to self-destructive behavior isn’t very kind, is it?
I was kind to others. I was kinder to myself than I had been in years past. But I’m still a work in progress.
As I look to 2012, the word that keeps coming up for me is Wellness. I know some people won’t understand that I need to take care of myself. Since I’m single and have no kids, what else am I doing? How can I *not* be taking care of myself? Right? Well, in 2012, that is my focus.
How, you ask?
1. I’ve already started eliminating beauty products with chemicals in them. My goal by the end of the year, is to use homemade or organic products only.
2. My job at the Gas ‘n Sip – I will either get a new job or get promoted. Either way, by the end of the year, I will be in a different job.
2a. I reached my absolute limit at the Gas ‘n Sip Monday. Background: You already know I am the Slurpee Manager. However, there is an exam to become certified in Slurpee creation. I have been working towards this certification for years – it’s a combination of education and hours. You have to spend a certain number of hours making Slurpees before you can take the certification exam. I? Have completed all the prerequisites and now I just have to take it. But here’s the thing. The exam is ridiculously difficult. So, in order to help the Slurpee Managers at the Gas ‘n Sip pass the exam first try, the company is hosting a prep class. YAY! The class is being held in another state. BOO! My manager said I could go. YAY! But her manager said it was too expensive to send me there. BOO! What the phuck??????? Am I so dispensable? You can’t send me to a class to advance my career? I was so pissed. I am pretty defeated.
2b. I spent Monday evening stewing and not sleeping and feeling like a loser. But then? I got up on Tuesday, and turned on the radio, like I do every morning. The song playing was that woman screeching “You are loved, you are loved, you are really really reeeeeeeeeeeeally looooooooooooved.” You know the one I mean. The Universe has spoken. I stopped and listened. And then I realized, Slurpee Manager is what I do, not who I am. I have been beaten by them for the last time. If they don’t want to send me to a prep class? I’ll send myself to a prep class. I *will* get certified. And then #2 will be realized.
3. By the end of the year, I will have all but eliminated processed food from my diet. I can’t promise to give up pizza, because, c’mon. It’s pizza! I’m human, not a robot.
4. I won’t quit the group I joined. I still think it’s a tough group to get into, but everyone is so nice and I totally support what they do, so I’m going to tough it out. It’s worth it.
There will be more that I will add to this list before the end of the year. I may have slid downhill a bit this year, but I plan to keep trying. 2012 will help me regain that ground and move ahead again.
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt like an outsider. One of those sad little wall-flower people, looking in through the window at the cool kids, hanging out, laughing and sharing inside jokes. It’s a cold and lonely place to be.
I remember being on the outside during high school. I was friends with some of the “in-crowd” but never fully accepted. Same thing happened in college. Again, at my jobs.
And OMG, don’t even get me started on the book clubs I have tried!
The common denominator in all of these situations? Me.
Maybe my insecurities have stopped me. Maybe my shyness. Maybe my self-esteem (or lack thereof).
But I know I have something to contribute. I *know* I do. I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m creative. And yet, I still hover around the edges, hoping someone will smile or say hi or take me under their wing, and help me be more comfortable. Am I just having flashbacks to the mean girls in high school?
I recently joined a group, ever the optimist. They have been together for a good amount of time and are well established with each other. I joined because I support what they do for the community and people in need. But at times, I feel like I’m stepping into a rushing crowd with no idea what’s going on. So I either get out-of-the-way or I get trampled. And, there I am, on the sidelines again.
How do I get over this? Give me some tips, please! I have been thinking about leaving the group already (it’s been a few months now). They will go on and continue to do good things. And I will feel like I have failed. Again.
So I ask you: Does it ever get easier to fit in with an established group?
How do you know when your tastes have changed? How do you differentiate between a new interest or lack thereof and a mood swing?
I’m not one of those people who can say “I don’t watch TV” and look down my nose at others while I say it. I watch TV. And most of the time, I like it. I find it a good way to relax and to just chill out with something mindless. After 8+ hours at the Gas ‘n Sip, I just want to let someone else do the thinking for a while. And while I would love to come home and turn over all responsibility to someone else, I can’t do that. The Wonder Twins *insist* that since they don’t have opposable thumbs, they can’t *possibly* help out. What they can do? Look adorable and prance in front of me looking adorable. Le sigh.
I have a bunch of shows that I record regularly. The problem? Lately, I find myself less interested in the “standards”. I loved NCIS, L&O SVU, CSI, Burn Notice. But lately, I just cannot take the violence and blood and gore. The inane ability for the main characters to come across all the C4, explosives, guns, etc at *just* the second they need them? Or that OF COURSE there is a car, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition just there. It makes me seven kinds of stabby. Come on.
But, what is it? Is it because my tastes have change? Or is it because I am feeling the need to change EVERYTHING in my life? Should I make that commitment? Or should I change things more slowly so as to not freak out?
How do you know if you are changing or just being impetuous?
If you are of a certain age, you will remember when computers were new and shiny and scary. When schools had “computer labs” rather than providing 5-year-olds iPads. When mobile phones in cars were something special and *gasp* had cords.
Now? Almost everyone has at least 1 computer, 2 phones, an e-reader, or some combination of this. Buying a computer for your child is not an event; it’s almost expected.
So, what brings on this rant?
As a corollary to my previous post of looking for beauty, I feel like I have become hyper-aware of the constant barrage of media stories about celebrities and politicians who think they can get away with things and act “surprised” when they get caught.
I cannot watch the news – local or national. I’m sure I’ve written about this before. I just cannot do it. The constant reminder of all the horrible things that go on in the world – what’s that saying? “If it bleeds, it leads”? Um, no. There *are* good things going on in the world. Babies being born, weddings, medical advances, estranged families finding each other. Really. Happy events occur all the time.
Obviously, horrible things *do* happen. I’m not living in a fairyland bubble where everything is rainbows and glitter. I just get to choose what I am exposed to.
Now, here’s where the love/hate part comes in. There is a headline today about a judge, caught on video beating his disabled daughter. My first thought, other than the obvious disgust and horror, was “Who the hell would put that on video and put it on the Interwebs???” That was quickly followed by “Thank goat someone DID video it and exposed this monster!” I will not now, or ever, watch the video. It would make me physically sick, I’m sure. Nor will I put a link to the story. This “thing” is (hopefully *was* at this point) a judge, tasked with the duty of deciding the fate of the people in his court. My heart hurts for his daughter.
Another example is the ocean of information we get about celebrities. Who is dating/marrying/divorcing/having dinner with whom. I know many celebrities court this notoriety and call the press to let them know where they are. I cannot imagine living that life. Luckily, I will never have to.
I follow celebrities on Twitter. I read some magazines (NOT tabloids!) about celebrities. Just as I am looking for new blogs to read, I have changed my taste in magazines as well. I am just as susceptible as anyone else to checking out who is doing what over there in Hollywood. But, jeepers! Leave these people alone! I don’t need to see stars grocery shopping. Or going to the dry-cleaner. Nor do I need to know every. single. move. they make throughout the day. The celebrity that most recently “announced” her divorce after 2 months? Now we get to hear every. gory. detail. Over. And over.
Technology is fantastic. I love my laptop. And I would be lost without my phone. I get my exposure to world events online. Some of my favorite people in the world? I know them from online. Exposing horrible people so that they will stop doing what they do? Good thing. Holding a magnifying glass to every facet of life? Could go either way, quite honestly.
I could never see myself “going off the grid” as they say and giving up technology. I can’t change it. But I can change my attitude about it. I can change how much I allow myself to be exposed to. I can turn off the “bad” things. And I can surround myself with the glitter and rainbows.
This morning, I was skulking around on the Interwebz, looking for new and lovely blogs to add to my readers. I have several now, but as my tastes change, as my interests change, as *I* change, the blogs I like change too.
Anyhoo, when I looked at the “suggested sites” that were listed on my reader, I noticed that there were several “bundles” available. A bundle is sort of a folder of blogs, grouped together by theme or category. Well, now, that is wonderful! So much easier for me!! There seems to be a bundle for every interest – news, sports, computers, gaming, writing – you name it. How cool is that?
Then I see a bundle called “Beauty”. Awesome!!
Only…no.
The blogs in this bundle included references to high-end clothing stores, expensive make-up brands, how to find the best shade lipstick, etc. So, that means that only by making the packaging “pretty” can one be considered beautiful, right?
I am not so enlightened that I eschew make-up or nice clothes. I like how mascara makes my eye-lashes look. And I would be delighted to find that one perfect shade of lipstick. Maybe it’s societal pressure; maybe I’m just crazy vain.
However.
I don’t consider the wrapping an indicator of beauty. To me, beauty goes beyond me and what label is on my clothing. It goes to helping clean up the environment. Or to helping other people. Or smiling at someone. Or lending a hand/ear/shoulder to a friend in need. Or even saying “Good morning” on Twitter everyday without getting a response.
Beauty is teaching others how to live a more peaceful life, or to eliminate clutter, or to walk through this life gently, or making people laugh, by pointing out life’s absurdity.
Maybe this is a function of my getting older. Or more cynical. I know that I bought into advertisers’ ideas for fashion and beauty back in the day. How can a young person NOT succumb to the constant mental and visual barrage?
I like my idea of beauty better. I like to see a smile. Or to see the silver lining in a bad situation.
My idea of beauty doesn’t match up with Google Reader bundles. And maybe not yours either.
When you think “beauty”, what comes to your mind?
(Also, if you have any recommendations for yummy blogs, please let me know.)
❤
My plea to the universe last week (month?) hasn’t proved fruitful. Yet. But I’m in a better place than I was. So that’s good.
*****
I had to go to Canadia last week for work. The Gas ‘n Sip was having an event that had all the Slurpee managers coming together to gush about how swell the year was. It’s fascinating, really.
The local airport recently unveiled its new expansion. It’s quite lovely. Security is in the new section and the ceiling is all exposed beam. But it feels all big-city-ish. Luckily, the Gas ‘n Sip doesn’t make me travel much anymore, so that’s good.
I spent the first day in Canadia in meetings. Yes. It was just as boring as you think it would be. Then I went to the hotel. I hadn’t stayed at that one before, but all my coworkers love it so I thought I would give it a chance. Meh. It was a hotel. Nothing special. I don’t have to stay there again.
The room service menu didn’t have wine listed on it, so I went down to the bar and asked for 2 glasses of Pinot Grigio. More specifically, I pointed at the wine list and said, “May I have 2 of these?” To which the pourtender said, “2 bottles?” Really? So I responded, “Well, if this was a normal night, I would say yes. But since it’s a work night, I’ll take 2 glasses.”
The second day was all met at the event center. Begin the presentations of how super-duper everything is at the Gas n’ Sip, and you begin the day of fun. The past year was marvelous. The coming year will be marvelous. There were rainbows and unicorns all over the place.
Then, about halfway through the morning, I look down and almost poked my own eye out. How? The underwire from my bra had come shooting out and was thisclose to stabbing me. Luckily, the lights were dimmed for some video about slurpee ice consistency, so I had a few seconds to pull it completely out and put it in my bag. I am all kinds of klassy up in here. I had uneven bewbs for the rest of the day.
I think that was all the fun I had in Canadia this time. Maybe next time will be better.
*****
I have also joined The Band. Do you know about The Band? Check them out.
http://www.bandbacktogether.com
I love them so much.
*****
I think that’s it. Man, my life needs a little shake up.
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