I signed in here yesterday with every intention of shutting this blog down. Clearly I haven’t been writing anything. And when I try to write something, it just sounds to me trite and self-absorbed. And since I don’t imagine anyone else would want to read that, I thought it would be best to just say good-bye, shut it down, and move on.
When 2011 started, I was in a really good place. I wasn’t eating processed sugar. I was eating mostly unprocessed, “real” food, I was journaling every day, I had a morning ritual, and I was setting exercise goals that scared the bejeezus out of me. And for the first time since I could remember, I was able to say “I’m happy” and really mean it. Even work didn’t suck.
As the year has progressed, all of those things have, one-by-one, slowly fallen by the wayside. I feel as if I have let myself fall back to a yucky place. I have let myself fall. I have let myself down. Again.
Yes, I did it before, and I can get back up and start again. But right now, it just seems like so. much. work. Getting back to that place seems so hard; so far away.
So, yesterday, signing in to shut this down seemed like a good idea, initially. Then when I got here, it just seemed like one more thing that I would let go. One more step down the path, going the wrong way. I also read another blog post about why one “should” blog, with really well thought out reasons. I decided that was fate. Someone or something was telling me to hang on for a little while longer.
And here we are. A new blog post – such that it is. A shimmer of something that is telling me to not give up. To start journaling again. To change my mind again.
It still feels like I have so far to travel back to where I started the year, but also, I don’t feel like I can give up. Again. I liked being happy. I liked feeling “lighter”.
Thank you for stopping by and for not giving up on me. There hasn’t been much to see around here, I know. So, thank you. I appreciate it.
2011/04/27 at 3:24 pm
I tired to comment on this the other day, but I don’t know if it was a problem on my end or what…
Anywho…I’m glad you’re keeping this blog. I like to come here and check in with you. This is your space and you can write if you feel like it and leave it alone when you don’t. No rules, baby!
2011/04/12 at 7:24 pm
Keep journaling, and don’t give up. The darkness is always followed by the light. Keep trusting.
2011/04/12 at 7:43 pm
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate your kind words.
2011/04/12 at 6:54 pm
It’s taken me a while to get here but I no longer let blogging make me feel guilty. If I feel like writing something I do, if not, then there’s tomorrow. This is supposed to be something we do for ourselves so we get to make the rules, nobody else. And, to your point about your posts seeming trite or self-absorbed, that’s what blogging is… technologically-advanced naval gazing. 🙂 We all do it. (Although I’ve always loved your posts so keep doing what you’re doing.)
I feel bad I didn’t realize your morning habits had slipped or that you were losing your groove. If you need an accountability partner, I’ll help. I’ve loved the daily journaling and I know you did, too. Maybe that’s a good first step to perk you up for the other things you want to do?
Hope you feel happy again soon. You deserve it.
2011/04/12 at 7:40 pm
Thank you for your continued support. I know you are there and all I have to do is reach out. xoxo