I signed in here yesterday with every intention of shutting this blog down. Clearly I haven’t been writing anything. And when I try to write something, it just sounds to me trite and self-absorbed. And since I don’t imagine anyone else would want to read that, I thought it would be best to just say good-bye, shut it down, and move on.
When 2011 started, I was in a really good place. I wasn’t eating processed sugar. I was eating mostly unprocessed, “real” food, I was journaling every day, I had a morning ritual, and I was setting exercise goals that scared the bejeezus out of me. And for the first time since I could remember, I was able to say “I’m happy” and really mean it. Even work didn’t suck.
As the year has progressed, all of those things have, one-by-one, slowly fallen by the wayside. I feel as if I have let myself fall back to a yucky place. I have let myself fall. I have let myself down. Again.
Yes, I did it before, and I can get back up and start again. But right now, it just seems like so. much. work. Getting back to that place seems so hard; so far away.
So, yesterday, signing in to shut this down seemed like a good idea, initially. Then when I got here, it just seemed like one more thing that I would let go. One more step down the path, going the wrong way. I also read another blog post about why one “should” blog, with really well thought out reasons. I decided that was fate. Someone or something was telling me to hang on for a little while longer.
And here we are. A new blog post – such that it is. A shimmer of something that is telling me to not give up. To start journaling again. To change my mind again.
It still feels like I have so far to travel back to where I started the year, but also, I don’t feel like I can give up. Again. I liked being happy. I liked feeling “lighter”.
Thank you for stopping by and for not giving up on me. There hasn’t been much to see around here, I know. So, thank you. I appreciate it.
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